Santa Claus dies of a Sudden Heart Attack

The news has just broken that Santa Claus passed away in the early hours of this morning.
Santa was the beloved and well-known operator of North Pole Toys a company that was set up with seed capital from the renowned financial firm Goldi Sucks.
Santa leaves behind a loving family and a host of adoring fans. Also left behind are his legions of unpaid workers.
The funeral will take place in the North Pole Cemetery. Sponsorship for this event has gone out to tender. A date for the funeral has not yet been set.
Because of the death of Santa, Government officials around the world have declared Christmas will no longer take place. Serious rioting by Children has broken out in many cities. Authorities worldwide are trying to control the situation.
Sam Richchild the Vice President of Goldi Sucks and illegitimate son of Santa in a press released issued just two hours ago revealed that the Sucks backed, “Money Hoovers Incorporated” might step into the breach to fill the Christmas void. Governments welcomed this intervention across the globe.

A visiting Shell Oil executive who was present at the death of Santa claimed his last words were, Arctic Oil is my Gift To “Royal Dutch Shell”.
In a separate comment, the Vatican advised that they would pray for the repose of the soul of Santa but urged the faithful to understand that Mr Claus had usurped the true spirit of Christmas. The Vatican now urged the faithful to seize this opportunity to revert to the true meaning of Christmas and donate all their seasonal monies as a Christmas gift to the Vatican
Meanwhile childish riots continue to break out. The Dali Lama says children in Tibet must be armed to save the undeclared Buddhist Christmas holiday from Chinese persecution. Despite contravening international law the USA and its allies will consider giving aid to the Dali Lula and his followers.