Hand transplant recipient slams donor’s poor masturbation technique
Former pub landlord Mark Cahill from West Yorkshire accused the deceased owner of a slapdash approach to palm love and of grabbing hold of his manhood ‘like it’s a box of spanners’.
Doctors took the decision to operate on Cahill, who was unable to abuse himself with his old hand after it was affected by gout.
“However, the hand went at it far too fast. I’d creamed the bed sheets before I’d even got to the faux-lesbian Santas on Page 7.”
“I’ve tried putting nail varnish on it and I’ve added a nice frilly cuff to hide the join but it’s just not right somehow,” he added.
Cahill’s problems multiplied on his return home after the hand insisted on playing a grand piano at 3am after dragging him downstairs and despite his lack of any formal piano tuition.
“I knew I should have gone down the bionic route,” he continued.
“All I will say is this: In three films, each lasting two hours, you never once saw The Terminator stick his finger up anyone’s arse.”
Posted on January 19, 2013, in Health, Nonsense, SCIENCE and tagged Cahill, Christmas, Downton Abbey, Hand transplantation, Leeds General Infirmary, Mark Cahill, masturbation, Razzle, West Yorkshire. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.