Britons reclassified as snails
“If UK citizens are ostensibly gastropods, the Court of Human Rights can’t have a say. And if they put together a Court of Snail Rights we’ll just make everyone a sparrow.”
Iain Duncan Smith supports the policy: “There will be immense savings in the welfare system. As everyone knows, snails carry little houses around on their backs, so are ineligible for Housing Benefit.”
He continued: “It’s also very difficult to tell if a snail is disabled, so almost no one will qualify for disability related benefits, much as with the current system.”
Wayne Hayes, a hairdresser from Lowestoft, said: “I worry this means I will no longer be able to enjoy salty snacks, such as peanuts, without shrivelling up and dying.
“However I understand that most snails are hermaphrodites and I do like the idea of being able to copulate with myself.”
Posted on March 11, 2013, in Crime, Government, politics, UK and tagged Animal, European Court of Human Rights, European Union, Greece, Iain Duncan Smith, Lowestoft, Snail, Theresa May. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.