Atlantic Ocean must reduce Sodium content by 2018

It is common knowledge that the Atlantic Ocean is the saltiest in the world. This Friday, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced that, to make the ocean “safer for both wildlife and humans,” the Atlantic must reduce its sodium content from 3.3% to 2.4% over the next five years.

“As the Atlantic is the biggest offender in the war against salt, it was only natural that it would be the first target on our list,” claims a senior EPA ecologist. “We realize that the Atlantic faces many issues: oil pollution, trash build-up, pelicans…however it is our sincere belief that salinity is the first problem the Atlantic must address. We’ve come to this conclusion mainly because it was our committee’s decision.”

Salt Water Fish to wear Saltine patches!

Though the reduction was applauded by public safety advocates, residents of the Atlantic ocean are not pleased. This includes coral reefs, fish, and a dude on a houseboat. The Middle Oceanic Fraternal Order of Seahorses and Related Species (or MOFOS, as it is more commonly known) is an opposition group which has been vocal about what they see as an encroachment of their basic rights as oceanic inhabitants. “This aggression will not stand!” shouts their spokesperson, the dude on the houseboat.

In a letter published by The Atlantic (no relation), the Atlantic Ocean defended itself in its own words:

“I feel that I’m being very unfairly targeted by the EPA’s mandate. The Pacific Ocean is nearly double my size, and the Dead Sea is nearly twice as salty, and yet I’m taking all the guff. Is it merely a convenient coincidence that both The Dead Sea and the Pacific Ocean are major contributors to the campaigns of several top-level appointees in the EPA? You be the judge!”

When asked for comment, New York City major Michael Bloomberg said “now why didn’t I think of that!”

via Atlantic Ocean must reduce Sodium content by 2018 | The Haddock Funny news, Parody spoof news satire & satirical newspaper.

via Atlantic Ocean must reduce Sodium content by 2018 | The Haddock Funny news, Parody spoof news satire & satirical newspaper.


About Old Boy

Love the past and the future but live in the present

Posted on May 28, 2013, in comedy, environment, Government, politics and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Relatos desde mi ventana

Sentimientos, emociones y reflexiones

Teri again

Finding Me

Gareth Roberts

Unorthodox Marketing & Strategy Blog

leeg schrift


100 Films in a Year

12 months. 100 films. Hopefully.

Morcan Books & Films

The site for a new perspective on books and films


thoughts and thinking

Cinematic Architecture

An Inquiry on the meaning of cinematic for architecture and in architecture

IMPREINT journal

The official bulletin of the artist IMPREINT created to repost excerpts from 'En plein air'.


david cairns

Sannaan Tech Talk's

See Something Techy | Do Different From Other

Film Music Central

The Central Hub for Film Music and the Composers Behind the Music

Photobooth Journal

A life in a photobooth.

Momentary Cinema

Fleeting posts about film

The Motion Pictures

Lindsey D.'s ramblings on the moving image!

Classic Film and TV Café

Corruption, Banks, Politics, health, welfare, rights/liberties oil & gas, Ireland, The world and anything that catches my fancy

Writing about film, for the love of film.

Grace Kingsley's Hollywood

One hundred year old news and gossip.

Movie musings with a modicum of moosey magic.

Silent Room

a place to discuss silent films



dark anki

"Imagination: Upcoming Reality"

The Lonely Author

A quiet corner for writers to get inspired one word at a time.

意大利旅居記事簿:來自意國的微笑 by Scarlett To


Movies, TV, and so much more. Don't forget to disable your add blocker!

Early & Silent Film

Just another weblog


Smile, you are beautiful


Exposing Truth

Article 19.1.a

A potpourri of random thoughts, societal issues, pencil sketches and celebration of life for the beauty that it is :)

Journeys in Darkness and Light

Explorations in film and comics


not a good writer tho

Syed Abir

“ জীবন মানে অনিশ্চিৎ ভ্রমণ


Warm . . . warmer . . . disco!

let me photograph you softly

photographs on the street


Blog de escritura

Sally Cortés

"Érase una vez una gitana, que escribía historias de amor"

territori del '900

identità luoghi scritture del '900 toscano

lou rasmus

drink and smoke and fuck

fountain hues

the journey of a poetry

Flavorful Delights

A collection of recipes, food inspirations, and finding joy in cooking

%d bloggers like this: