Category Archives: Nonsense
While the world is awash in central banker created Potemkin village analogies, Ireland has gone one step further. In a little over two weeks, the self-important leaders of the Group of Eight (G8) will be meeting at the Lough Erne Golf Resort in Northern Ireland. There’s a slight problem, however. Ireland’s economy is in shambles and many of the neighboring towns are in horrible shape. So what’s the solution? Simple, just pretend nothing’s wrong by remodeling storefronts long since abandoned just as you would in a Hollywood set. What about those pesky abandoned buildings and other eyesores of blight and destitution? No problem, just place colorful murals in front of them. It makes sense. After all, the response by the G8 to the financial collapse since the beginning has been to cover it up and pretend nothing happened
Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,
Ireland’s Big Lie: Town Gets Cheap, Superficial Makeover Ahead of the G8 Summit
In a little over two weeks, the self-important leaders of the Group of Eight (G8) will be meeting at the Lough Erne Golf Resort in Northern Ireland. There’s a slight problem, however. Ireland’s economy is in shambles and many of the neighboring towns are in horrible shape. While real economic collapse doesn’t seem to bother Ireland’s leaders, the thought of Barack Obama, Shinzo Abe and David Cameron having to confront the realities of poverty while feasting on caviar and foie gras is simply too much to bare.
So what’s the solution? Simple, just pretend nothing’s wrong by remodeling storefronts long since abandoned just as you would in a Hollywood set. What about those pesky abandoned buildings and other eyesores of blight and destitution? No problem, just place colorful murals in front of them. It makes sense. After all, the response by the G8 to the financial collapse since the beginning has been to cover it up and pretend nothing happened. At least the meme is consistent across the Western World. From the Irish Times:
Hundreds of thousands of pounds have been spent on a Fermanagh facelift as the county prepares for the G8 summit in just under three weeks’ time, but locals complain the work paid for by the local council and the Stormont Executive is little more than skin deep.
More than 100 properties within range of the sumptuous Lough Erne resort which hosts the world’s wealthiest leaders, have been tidied up, painted or power-hosed.
However, locals say the makeover only serves to hide a deeper malaise which US president Barack Obama, German chancellor Angela Merkel, French president François Hollande and others will not get to see.
Two shops in Belcoo, right on the border with Blacklion, Co Cavan, have been painted over to appear as thriving businesses. The reality, as in other parts of the county, is rather more stark.
Just a few weeks ago, Flanagan’s – a former butcher’s and vegetable shop in the neat village – was cleaned and repainted with bespoke images of a thriving business placed in the windows. Any G8 delegate passing on the way to discuss global capitalism would easily be fooled into thinking that all is well with the free-market system in Fermanagh. But, the facts are different.
“That work happened just a few weeks ago,” he said. “The council got that place painted but it went under sometime last year.
The butcher’s business has been replaced by a picture of a butcher’s business.Across the road is a similar tale. A small business premises has been made to look like an office supplies store. It used to be a pharmacy, now relocated on the village main street.
Elsewhere in Fermanagh, billboard-sized pictures of the gorgeous scenery have been located to mask the occasional stark and abandoned building site or other eyesore.
Clickety click can be very disruptive!
Teachers in the UK are complaining about the uprise in such behaviour because they cannot concentrate on pressing their own buttons whilst attempting to give lessons in clicking buttons.
One secondary school headmistress, Penelope-Primrose Hyacinth, told a certain tabloid newspaper that comes up in the morning (if you’re lucky) and sinks very deep in the evening, how it is in modern classrooms these days:
“The silence in only interrupted by the irritating sound of communial clicking including the teachers. The only thing that disturbs the clicking sound is the bell ringing for a break, which everybody strangely hears. Then there is a sudden rush outside for a puff on a fag, joint or swallowing pills, but annoyingly the clicking even continues during such activites.”
Also on the uprise, are parents who are concerned about the disruptive behaviour of their little darlings. Instead of booking themselves in for rehab to kick the habit, they are booking places for their offspring so at least they can spend some quality time together doing something they both enjoy!
More as we click it…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The CIA has reported that its Electronic Logistical System (ELS) has just intercepted a personal email message that was sent from the Taliban headquarters to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.
An unnamed source stated that the message was written by high-ranking Taliban Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad, 47, and was reportedly sent from a camel lot office located in downtown Karachi, Pakistan.
Taliban Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad’s favorite camel, whom he named “Cigarette.”
The email message which was very explicit was mailed at 2:05 a.m. Eastern Standard Time:
Hey Fat Boy – Either fire the damn, friggin missile or else shut the hell up!
Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad – The Taliban
2939 Camel Toe Road
Reports are that when Kim Jong Un read the email message he was so mad that his horrendously looking hairdo reportedly stood up on end scaring the daylights out of his gorgeously svelte personal secretary identified as Chin Ho Bong, 22.
An inside source who is very close to the North Korean leader informed Political Salad Bar Magazine that Kim Jong Un has ordered his top general to point one of his missiles directly at 2939 Camel Toe Road in Karachi.
Asda have urged anyone who has purchased any Smart Price corned beef to return it to the point of purchase, but with tins being sold for as little £1.54, partygoers are reportedly getting ‘completely sandwiched’.
Police have already carried out a number of raids and seized tinned meats with a street value of £12.47.
Asda spokesman Simon Williams said: “Asda customers who have been taking corned beef laced with phenylbutazone can experience serious side effects, such as an irresistible urge to dance and a feeling of oneness with everything.
“We strongly advise customers who have bought the 340g tins not to put on an old school mix tape and give it up to the DJ.”
Asda’s Class A corned beef
The Midlands store, meanwhile, has come under pressure to install a special chill-out lounge next to the tinned foods aisle.
Last night fears were growing that the product has reached the wider population after a pensioner in West Dulwich had a transcendental experience when querying a bill.
Williams meanwhile denied that he himself had been affected.
“I only ingested a very small amount, certainly not enough to affect my ability to do my job.”
He added, “I wanna see everyone in the house say yeah!”
Other supermarkets are also set to issue product recalls after reports surfaced of youths attempting to smoke corned beef hash through a bong.
“It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men.”
– Carl Sagan
What follows illustrates the above extremely well
“Satan is a tool of God’s love in the sense that he forces us to see God’s loving patience.”
[Pat Robertson, Answers to 200 of Life’s most Probing Questions, Bantom Books, 1984]
“If you go all the way back to the days just following creation, men lived nine hundred years or more.”
[Pat Robertson, Answers to 200 of Life’s most Probing Questions, Bantom Books, 1984]
“There will never be world peace until God’s house and God’s people are given their rightful place of leadership at the top of the world. How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists, oppressive dictators, greedy moneychangers, revolutionary assassins, adulterers, and homosexuals are on top?”
[Pat Robertson, The New World Order, p. 227, Word Publishing, 1991]
“Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.”
“Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals–the two things seem to go together.”
[Pat Robertson, “The 700 Club,” 1/21/93, ADL report on Religious Right, page 131]
“The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society. And that’s what’s been happening.”
[Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, December 30, 1981]
“God is going to judge the entertainment industry.”
[Rev. Pat Robertson, Re: the fire that devastated Universal Studios. Note: the good Rev. was strangely silent
when fire destroyed his radio station, WNTR]
“AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh’s chariotters”.
“The idea that religion and politics don’t mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country.”
Sermon, July 4, 1976
“The ACLU’s got to take a lot of blame for this.”
[Rev. Jerry Falwell, on attacks of Tuesday, September 11, 2001, to which Rev. Pat Robertson again agreed, quoted from AANEWS #958 by American Atheists (September 14, 2001)]
“The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews.”
“No, I don’t know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God.”
[George H.W. Bush, President of the United States in response to a reporters question]
“It is a just retribution for improper sexual misconduct”
[Mother Teresa, on AIDS]
“Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. … Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory.”
[Rev. Jimmy Swaggart]
“To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin.”
[Cardinal Bellarmine, 1615, during the trial of Galileo]
“I can’t understand how all this can have happened, it’s enough to make one lose one’s faith in God!”
[Eva Braun during the last days with Hitler]
“Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord..”
[Hitler (Mein Kampf, Chapter 2)] link, link
I talk to my only friend Jesus our “LORD”! I know “JESUS” understands my terrible desires and ect. I have tords little boys! And the main reason I murdered them little “BOYS”, is because our society is so “AGAINST” the fact of “CHILDREN-DOING-SEX” together or with anybody! I believe children should be “ABLE” to do sex! And I can “ARGUE” that all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court! “SEX” is a great “GIFT” that Jesus gave us all!!!!
[Freddy Goode, serial killer, in a letter to one of his lawyers- misspellings, his]
“My children, Michael and Alex, are with our Heavenly Father now, and I know that they will never be hurt again. As a mom, that means more than words could ever say. . . My children deserve to have the best, and now they will. . . I have put my total faith in God, and he will take care of me.”
[Susan Smith, who drowned her two children, in her confession letter, Nov. 1994]
WASHINGTON —The reemergence of a 2010 Pew Research Center Survey on the likelihood of Jesus returning to Earth by the year 2050 has Christian leaders in the U.S. up in arms and preparing for the worst.
“It is an eye-opener, no doubt,” said Joel Olsteen, senior pastor of the influential Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas. “Already my flock is taking sides. The poll has pit neighbor against neighbor, brother against brother, father against son. There will be blood.”
According to the results of the poll, 48% of Christians within the U.S. believe that Jesus either “definitely will” or “probably will return to Earth by the year 2050,” while the remaining 52% do not share this belief.
“It’s actually pretty easy to figure out who believes what,” says Christian Author Joyce Meyer. “On the one hand, you have people who are always polite and kind, do a lot of charity work, and are nice to everybody. They’re scared He’s coming back any day and want to be ready. The other half, well, they figure they’ve got time, so they’re in no hurry to live a good life. They gamble, curse, fornicate, dishonor their parents, what have you. They assume they can always repent later.”
It is this close divide between the two sides of the Christian nation that has raised alarms. “It would be one thing if the results were lopsided. If, say, over 70-80% thought he was coming back soon,” explained senior pastor Charles Stanley of the First Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia. “Then we could marginalize the remaining 20% or so. Label them as heathens or socialists or something. We’re good at ganging up on minorities like that.”
The schism threatens the very foundations of Christianity in America, and a number of mega-churches have hired security personnel to frisk incoming worshipers for weapons. “So far we’ve only found a bunch of Swiss Army Knives and a letter opener or two,” admitted Donald P. Lantz, Sr. Executive Vice President of IPC International, a leading private comprehensive security company. “But it’s just a matter of time before one of those 48-percenters try to force their way in armed with a Rock River Arms LAR-47 assault rifle, or a Thompson M1SB in order to take out all the ‘unbelievers.’ You just wait.”
Whether Christianity in the U.S. will be able to avoid outright war is unclear. Christian leaders are turning to prayer in large numbers in the hope that God will calm the flames of rage burning within their flock, or that Jesus will emphatically tell everyone of his plans so that one side or the other can claim a decisive, righteous victory.
“Honestly, this is the worst thing to hit Christianity since The Chalcedonian Schism of 451 AD over the person and nature of Christ,” said The Most Reverend Denis James Madden, auxiliary bishop of Baltimore, Maryland. “And we all know how that ended.”
The current 250 year licence granted to the USA to use English as its official language is due to expire at the end of January 2014. The licence was originally granted by King George III and intended as a stop-gap till the colony (as it was then) decided on it’s own language between Arapahoe, French or Spanish.
The new House of Representatives is facing a difficult decision but will probably opt to move to Spanish in the near future. Already 26% of US citizens speak Spanish and California has already experimented with shop assistants pretending not to understand English speaking customers.
The probability is that illegal immigrants from Mexico will now be given teaching jobs to bring the remaining US citizens up to speed.
All official documents such as passports, drivers licenses and Costco membership cards will now need to be translated.
The President has assured the public than the language transition will run smoothly and that Goldman Sachs were organising a team to insure a smooth passage. GS has advised its clients to buy bonds in outsourced charter schools
In a move that is is sure to anger somebody, the new Pope, Pope Francis the something or other, has been approached by the Argentinian government who have requested that the Falkland islands are given to Argentina.
Sadly, Frank’s knowledge of geography is quite poor, and he has given Argentina the Isle of Wight instead.
“I would have thought,” said Newport councillor Franco Di Santo, “that all Argentinians would have known where the Falkland Islands were. Apparently not. This suggests that the vast majority of Argies have no idea that Argentina actually wants the Falklands, or even that the they tried to invade in the eighties.”
The residents of the Isle of Wight are not particularly bothered by the Pope’s gift to his country of birth.
Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, the president of Argentina, is less than thrilled with the gift.
“There’s no oil in the English Sleeve,” she said. “What is the use of the gift? Not that we wanted the Malvinas because of oil, I must add rather too quickly. Nevertheless, I fail to see what we could do with the Wight Isle. What is a Garlic Festival? Why does Newport have more garden gnomes than any other place on earth? And why is nobody allowed on Ryde Pier? These are important questions we would need answering.”
David Cameron has announced that he will not be objecting to the gift of the island to the Argentinians.
“I had a really bad holiday in Cowes when I was seven,” said Cameron. “It remains to this day a bad memory for me. On a cost basis, it’s a bit of a money hole. We subsidise the chain link ferry, we subsidise the farmers there, despite there being no arable land at all on the island from what I can tell. It’s not so much the money, more the bad memory.”
Pope Frankie was reluctant to talk about it, but when pressed, he admitted that he didn’t realise that the British had islands so far from their mainland, and had been taking a week’s holiday in Greece during the Falklands war and missed it.
Her head will be used for dog meat.
Mrs Thatcher (archive)
Independent TD Mattie McGrath has re-iterated his previous calls on the Government to introduce a pay as you go and monthly payment options for motor tax as the Government plans to introduce charges for off the road vehicles.
Deputy McGrath has claimed that the main reason for vehicles being taken off the road is that the vehicle owners can simply not afford the rising levels of motor tax and fuel costs, especially in the haulage industry and that it is not realistic to expect vehicle owners to declare their intention of taking their vehicle off the road in advance.
The Ministers plans are totally out of touch with the reality of the situation in the current climate especially for those who use the road for business purposes such as road hauliers who are expected to pay 2500 and more to tax their lorries, despite only having their Lorries on the road once or twice a week due to the fall in business. They do not know months in advance whether their vehicle will be on or off the road in the coming months, they can only hope that they will have enough work to keep their vehicle on the road.
These are honest hard working people who always pay their dues but who simply cannot meet the costs. Some are being forced to take a chance and drive their Lorries without tax in order to get work so that they might be able to eventually meet their payments and put food on the table. If they refuse business because they cannot afford their tax, they will be in a much worse position with no chance of recovery because many of them are self-employed and will not receive any assistance from social welfare. Said McGrath
Putting an extra charge on those who have taken their vehicles off the road because they simply cannot afford motor tax is just another stealth tax coming from the Minister for the Environment. If the taxation system was a bit more flexible, people might have a better chance.
If the Minister really wants to tighten up the loophole then he should examine the reasons why vehicles are being taken off the road and try to offer workable solutions rather than forcing extra costs on those struggling. Motor tax is for use of the road, we cannot introduce a charge for vehicles not on the road. Continued McGrath
Deputy McGrath appealed to the Government to introduce a pay as you go system of motor taxation to allow the hauliers continue trading and to examine the possibility of introducing a monthly payment for other road users to offer some more flexibility.
With online motor taxation, this should be possible and if they those using the road for business purposes such as hauliers can pay as they work, they will not be forced to cut off their nose to spite their face. They want to work and they want to work within the law but they just cant afford to pay huge amounts of tax on their vehicles if they are not getting the work. We need to get real about supporting small businesses. There is no point forcing more businesses out of work simply because they cannot meet pay unrealistic levels of motor tax, when they could be allowed to work and pay as they go. Concluded McGrath