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Donald Trump to get penis surgically removed from forehead


donald trump satire

Reality TV star and business magnate Donald Trump announced today that he will undergo surgery to remove genitalia from his upper facial region.

                                             A doctor analyses the problem

The delicate procedure – likely to take up to five hours – has never been attempted before. But doctors are hopeful Mr Trump will make a full recovery.

The star of The Apprentice said this morning “I’ve had this penis on my head for most of my life, but it’s gotten a lot more obvious in recent times. It’s hard for people to take my conspiracy theories seriously when there’s this cock dangling down around my eyes.

A doctor analyses the problem

“Even I have trouble looking at myself in the mirror sometimes. Which is saying something.”

Mr Trump says Chinese spies, under the orders of Barack Obama, secretly implanted the penis on his head while he was sleeping.

The operation will be filmed for an upcoming reality TV show The Appendage.

via Donald Trump to get penis surgically removed from forehead « The Shovel.

via Donald Trump to get penis surgically removed from forehead « The Shovel.

Donald Trump the failure 2


Trump Mortgage

dek

In April 2006, Trump announced that, after years in the real estate business, he was launching a mortgage company. He held a glitzy press conference at which his son Donald Jr. predicted that Trump Mortgage would soon be the nation’s No. 1 home-loan lender. Trump told CNBC, “Who knows more about financing than me?” Apparently, plenty. Within a year and a half, Trump Mortgage had closed shop. The would-be lending powerhouse was done in by timing (the housing market cratered in 2007) and ironically enough, given Trump’s Apprentice TV show, poor hiring. The executive Trump selected to run his loan company, E.J. Ridings, claimed to have been a top executive at a prestigious investment bank. In reality, Ridings’ highest role on Wall Street was as a registered broker, a position he held for a mere six days.

via Trump Mortgage – Top 10 Donald Trump Failures – TIME.

via Trump Mortgage – Top 10 Donald Trump Failures – TIME.

Enraged Shoppers Demand that Macy’s Fire Donald Trump for Being a Disgusting, Ugly Shitbag


More than 400,000 people have signed an online petition demanding that Macy’s fire human ocarina Donald Trump from their ad campaign and remove his merchandise from their stores. Signers object to Trump’s obsession with the “racially charged birther conspiracy” and his frequent calls for overthrow of the democratically elected government. I guess they have a point—”terra cotta plutocratic genocidal warlord” doesn’t exactly scream THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS.

“Donald Trump does not reflect the ‘magic of Macy’s,” reads the petition via SignOn.org, the progressive nonprofit online campaign arm of MoveOn.org. “We urge you to sever ties with him. Macy’s says it has a strong obligation to be ‘socially responsible’ and that ‘actions speak louder than words.’ Indeed. It’s time to act.”

…Aside from his controversial birther views-which have long been discredited after Obama authorized his birth state of Hawaii to release his long-form birth certificate-the petition also notes Trump has “used his public platform to deny the reality of climate change.” It also smacks him for sexist behavior and “personally attacking women he disagrees” with.

Additionally, his detractors point out the reality star has “hypocritically complained about jobs being shipped overseas to China, despite the fact that almost his entire clothing line sold at Macy’s is made in China.”

Um, yeah, and by the way? Can the fucking Apprentice get canceled already? Can somebody fire Donald Trump from something? Aren’t there ANY consequences for being literally the worst guy in the country!?!? Pleeeeeeeeease??? [E!]

via Enraged Shoppers Demand that Macy’s Fire Donald Trump for Being a Disgusting, Ugly Shitbag.

via Enraged Shoppers Demand that Macy’s Fire Donald Trump for Being a Disgusting, Ugly Shitbag.

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