This hilarious chain of events is non-supernatural in origin!’
RICHARD Dawkins is the star of a new sitcom where his wife secretly takes in God as a lodger.
‘This hilarious chain of events is non-supernatural in origin!’
Lord Above! revolves around committed rationalist Dawkins’s struggle to explain the miraculous and often infuriating events occurring in his house.
“Richard comes out and she’s forced to invent an unlikely explanation involving a pack of confused Welsh nationalists and a political canvasser with a malfunctioning tannoy.
“The excuses get even more outlandish in later episodes, when Dawkins runs himself a bath of Merlot during God’s secret party, forcing Mrs Dawkins to claim that the taps are hooked up to the local Oddbins.
“The following week she has to pretend that next door’s gay son has had a statue of himself made of salt put in the back garden.”
Dawkins, who still has an Equity card from his stint as Doctor Who in the 70s, hopes the public will take to his exasperated catchphrase, “For God’s sake!”
The first series ends on a cliffhanger as Mrs Dawkins discovers that, despite being long past the menopause, she’s miraculously fallen pregnant. The storyline will be resolved in a Christmas special.
Asda have urged anyone who has purchased any Smart Price corned beef to return it to the point of purchase, but with tins being sold for as little £1.54, partygoers are reportedly getting ‘completely sandwiched’.
Police have already carried out a number of raids and seized tinned meats with a street value of £12.47.
Asda spokesman Simon Williams said: “Asda customers who have been taking corned beef laced with phenylbutazone can experience serious side effects, such as an irresistible urge to dance and a feeling of oneness with everything.
“We strongly advise customers who have bought the 340g tins not to put on an old school mix tape and give it up to the DJ.”
Asda’s Class A corned beef
The Midlands store, meanwhile, has come under pressure to install a special chill-out lounge next to the tinned foods aisle.
Last night fears were growing that the product has reached the wider population after a pensioner in West Dulwich had a transcendental experience when querying a bill.
Williams meanwhile denied that he himself had been affected.
“I only ingested a very small amount, certainly not enough to affect my ability to do my job.”
He added, “I wanna see everyone in the house say yeah!”
Other supermarkets are also set to issue product recalls after reports surfaced of youths attempting to smoke corned beef hash through a bong.
Supermarkets today wield unprecedented power on a global scale. From Bangladesh to South Africa, supermarkets dictate the terms at which overseas producers are forced to sell their goods. With threats to find new suppliers, they force prices down around the world
But the workers who produce those goods – from fruit and vegetables to flowers, wine, cheap clothes and tea – feel their devastating impact every day. Working in factories or on plantations, they face long hours, terrible working conditions and little or no trade union rights. Despite working 80 hours a week, many workers are not able to earn a living wage.
The big four supermarkets – ASDA, Morrisons, Tesco and Sainsbury’s – control 75% of the grocery market in the UK and aim to keep their prices low and their profits high. They use their enormous size and influence to put their suppliers under immense pressure to produce goods as cheaply as possible. As well as squeezing their suppliers on price, they dictate terms and agreements, like forcing them to take on costs for discounts and promotions. These pressures then get passed on to the people who grow, pick and pack our food in low wages, long hours and poor working conditions.
To tackle supermarket power War on Want has campaigned for many years for the government to introduce a supermarket watchdog to stop supermarkets bullying their suppliers. After years of successful campaigning the government has now agreed to put forward proposals, and we are now pushing hard to make sure that it has the powers it needs to be effective.
As well as bullying their suppliers, supermarkets are continuing their push to dominate the UK market through opening more and more high street stores. War on Want is proud to be part of the Tescopoly alliance that campaigns against the negative impacts of supermarket power on workers’ rights, local businesses, communities and the environment and supports local campaigns against new supermarket developments.