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Noah’s Adventures in Ireland


In the year 2012, the Lord came unto Noah, now living in Ireland, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying you have six months to build the Ark before I send unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark.

I am about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?

Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, but things have changed I need Bord Pleanala approval.

I have been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbours claim that I have violated zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We have to go to an appeal’s tribunal.

Then the Department of Transport demanded I post a bond for the future costs of moving power lines to reach the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There is a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the red squirrel.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the squirrels – but no go!

When I started gathering the beasts, an animal rights group sued me.

They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I could not build the Ark until they had conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I am still trying to resolve a complaint with the ICTU over using Polish carpenters on my building crew.

Now immigration is checking the status of all the people on the job.

The trades unions insist that I hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, NAMA seized all my assets, claiming I am trying to leave the country illegally.

So, forgive me Lord but I need at lest ten years to finish this Ark.

Suddenly, the skies cleared. The sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?’

‘No,’ said the Lord.

Your Blue Blouse/Marxist Government beat me to it.

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