Jerusalem 1 April 2013
A surprise announcement with wide ranging theological implications has sent shock waves around the world. Jesus Christ (Daddy Jr.) the Jewish founder of Christianity and spiritual leader of two billion Christians today revealed that he had converted to the one true religion of “The Previous Day church of the Mighty Leprechaun”.
Mr. Christ said I know that I have erred and I should not have followed my father’s path. I deeply regret any problems or confusion I may have caused.
He urged Christians worldwide to renounce His former religion to join him in embracing The Church of The Mighty Leprechaun and to follow its divine leader Money Bags O’Gold.
He went on to state that it was an insidious misunderstanding that the Church of the Mighty Leprechaun, both past and present indulged in human and animal sacrifice. Moreover, he said on the contrary no evidence was available to substantiate this theory. He citied one of the main reasons for leaving the Christian church was his Daddies fondness for human and animal sacrifice, his support of slavery and the various war crimes committed by his father.
An unnamed church source on behalf of Junior issued the following press release
To quote my fathers words
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to turn
“A man against his father,
A daughter against her mother,
A daughter-in –law against her mother…
Junior said the genocide of 25 million people in a flood was indefensible.
The following is a partial list of other crimes committed by my father.
Kill every Egyptian first born.
A plague for complaining about the standard of grub.
Another plague for frolicking in the hay with the daughters of Moab.
God orders Moses to slaughter the Midianites but to keep the virgin females for further usage.
God delivers the King of Bashan to the Israelites so that they might butcher them.
God has the Midianites soldiers comically kill one and other.
God gets fed up with David for taking a census and sends another plague resulting in large scale loss of life.
God delivers the Syrians into Ahab’s hands for massacre.
The Lord strikes down the vast army of the Cushites.
God massacres soldiers of Judah because they had forsaken the lord.
He went on to state one of the great traits of the Leprechaun church lied in its tolerance of diversity, which is both healthy and natural. He also maintained that none of us had a monopoly on truth
Neither the Daddy nor the spook was available for comment but religious leaders are indicating a Multi faceted divinity split.
In further news The Vatican’s College of Cardinals have advocated embracing Leprechaun law, while the other half is calling for Christ’s immediate excommunication and recommending the interim worship of Pope Francis until a suitable replacement deity is found.
On Hearing this news, The Pope burst out into his favorite song
Hello young boys
Rama, dama, ding dong
Here I come
The Church of the Mighty Leprechaun stated that they would continue raising pots of gold from a gullible public. They further stated that they did not expect this development to impact on them but they saw this as an opportunity to strengthen their fund raising operations.
Money Bags O’Gold in a rare public utterance thanked Christ for this bountiful windfall.