You really shouldn’t have smoked that whole joint by yourself.
1. Before it really kicks in, you make big plans to be productive…
Which lasts about five minutes.
2. Like you actually can’t get off the couch.
3. Sleeping. Eating. Watching cartoons. This is your life now.
4. Seriously, you can’t stop eating.
5. Plus you make terrible dietary choices.
7. Except getting another bag of chips.
8. And the quality of the weed you’re smoking.
9. Nothing anyone says makes any sense.
10. Because it takes about 20 minutes to process a simple thought.
11. MeSource: biggaysteve666.tumblr.comanwhile you stop making sense to anyone else.
12. They can tell you’re stoned, and they’re JUDGING YOU.
13. You think you’re being really profound, but you’re not.
14. And everything becomes HILARIOUS.
15. Like, so ridic funny. Like, you may never stop laughing.
16. You’re easily entertained by the STUPIDEST things.
17. And believe me, NO ONE ELSE is amused.
18. Then you start to get really, really paranoid.
19. Like you’re no longer sure you remember how to breathe.
20. You don’t remember anything else either.
21. You start to feel like you’re incapable of doing anything that ISN’T getting high.
22. And, I mean, that’s kind of true.
23. But you somehow convince yourself that marijuana is a performance enhancer.
24. You forget how to behave sober.
25. All the while you hope for some once-in-a-lifetime stoned experience.
26. And instead you end up wasting hours on YouTube and staring off into space.
27. But let’s face it, you were going to do that, anyway.
LOS ANGELES – USA – A new nicotine cigarette drink is taking the world by storm because there is no smoke, it is safe to drink in public and it is cheaper than buying real cigarettes.
“This is an amazing innovation that will revolutionise the tobacco industry. You do not need to smoke a cigarette now, spill ash all over the place, get ciggy breath or be told to put it out in public. People can now enjoy our cigarettes anywhere, even in aeroplanes, court houses, schools, cafes, restaurants, gyms, wherever you want,” Dan Bottnik, brand marketing manager for the Philip Morris tobacco company told CNN Tuesday.
The main benefits of course will be for the health of smokers worldwide where coughing up a lung will now be a thing of the past.
“We decided that Beijing, China was the best place to introduce our product to the world because people here are such prolific smokers. Soon we will have menthol and Marlboro red pack drinks too,” the brand spokesman added.
Hollywood star, Charlie Sheen was said to be so enamoured by the new cigarette drinks that he said he wants a drip permanently in his arm filtering the drink into his veins. He will also be the face of the new Marlboro drinks in a multi million dollar sponsorship deal.
No more ash trays, butts or tobacco breath, this is a product made in heaven for smokers all over the world.
Still wonderfully relaxing, plus you don’t die horribly
Quantum Fags were developed by scientists who believe passionately that cigarettes were killing the wrong people, as non-smokers are generally more annoying.
They developed nicotine particles that can exist simultaneously in two places at once.
The pleasure-giving chemicals remaining within the smokers’ lungs while the deadly stuff teleports into the nearest non-smoker, making them cough terribly.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Someone who hasn’t smoked their whole life, and more to the point wouldn’t hesitate to tell you about it, will find themselves wheezing like a dinner lady.
“Thus society can remove its priggish killjoys by furiously smoking them to death whilst having a bloody good time in the process.”
Smoker Roy Hobbs said: “I have always felt it was unfair that smoking kills you. Much better that a total stranger should die.
“Will their fingers turn yellow? That would be really clever.”