Lana in happier times – she had a roomy vagina and a small head!
A Latvian Circus performer called Lana is being treated for shock and distress in a Coventry hospital this evening after waking up in complete darkness gasping for breath.
So flexible is Lana that she managed to slide her whole head inside her vagina during an afternoon nap.
When she awoke she had no idea where she was and it took her a good ten minutes to work out where her torso had gone.
“She does have a particularly large vagina!” Said one of costume designers from the circus who went onto explain that her leotards had to be lined with Velcro to stop her flaps popping out during performances.
“And she’s got an unusually small head!” Said one of the clowns.
Given these facts this terrifying incident was really just an accident waiting to happen.
“She vake up viz her heed up her fooking growler!” Said Carl Munch, chief surgeon at the hospital. “Holy schizer mein liebe schnitzels!” He went on to say before putting on a dress and dancing on one of the tables in a nearby wine bar.
Well, at least she’s in safe hands.
CIRCUS ANIMALS are safe coming to Sligo for the foreseeable future.
Hopefully, they have no hang-ups as some strong things were said about them this week.
Fianna Fáil went walkabout before the vote, with neither of its two councillors, Rosaleen O’Grady and Jude Devins, present for the debate.
Cllr Arthur Gibbons wanted the Council to prevent any of its land being used when the circus comes to town.
However, Cllr Matt Lyons put in a stormer to champion the cause of the circus.
And get this — and this is rare — Cllr Declan Bree sat on the fence!
Room To Exercise
He was proud to put down such a Motion as times have changed.
Elephants were taken away from their mothers at a very young age and animals didn’t even have room to exercise when travelling with circuses.
Cllr Matt Lyons said ”I’ve a lot of humanity in my body but I don’t agree with this.”
”I’ve been to circuses and don’t agree animals are abused or ill-treated.
”If this Motion is passed we won’t be able to fish, hunt or anything.” Circus animals were treated better than those on farms. Dogs had been left hanging from gates.
Cllr Daniel McGarrigle said he came from an agricultural background. ”The next call will be to close zoos. If we go down this road where do we stop?
Cllr Marcella McGarry said she had listened to debates on radio. Two circus managers had invited people to come and check animal welfare and found nothing wrong.
Cllr Declan Bree said he didn’t have strong views either way if animals are treated subject to law.
Mayor David Cawley said he appreciated the sentiment in the Motion. But the Fairgreen was the only site affected and it didn’t have circuses anymore.
These were Irish businesses, he said, and subjected to regulation.
In reply, Cllr Gibbons said it was about sending out a message to ”stop this cruelty.”
The comparison with domestic and zoo animals was not fair, as those animals were born in that habitat, he said.
Other speakers included Cllr Veronica Cawley and Cllr Jim McGarry.
The vote to impose the ban on circuses using Borough Council property in Sligo resulted as follows:-
Cllr Arthur Gibbons
Cllr Chris MacManus
Cllr Matt Lyons
Cllr Marcella McGarry
Cllr Daniel McGarrigle
Mayor David Cawley
Cllr Veronica Cawley
Cllr Delan Bree
ABSENT FROM VOTE (2)
Cllr Rosaleen O’Grady
Cllr Jude Devins