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Scientists Work Feverishly To Restore Spines of Congressional Democrats


Researchers specializing in degenerative diseases are at a loss to explain why a virulent form of spinal disintegration is targeting scores of Congressional Democrats.

Dr. Mason Jarvis, a leading researcher in the field, spoke by phone from his office in Cambridge, Massachusetts:

“Although we have documented cases of this debilitating condition in the occasional senator or representative, we’ve never seen the disease approach near-epidemic dimensions. We’re literally racing against time to curb this rapid spinal deterioration, which threatens to render most Democrats little more than babbling, floppy ragdolls by year’s end.”

Specialists are working tirelessly to find a safe antidote to the progressive condition. Initial symptoms include motor disturbances, such as a grimace experts call the “bowery-drunk simper,” and a compulsion to shake hands vigorously with lobbyists contributing vastly more to the opposing party.

Dr. Jarvis noted that many of the afflicted Democrats had already reached more advanced stages of the spinal disease. During examination, the lawmakers exhibited an inability to “stand tall,” and a helpless descent into the speech pattern known in the literature as “two-way utterance.”

Citing an example of the speaking disorder, Dr. Jarvis recalled examining one senator “who insisted we provide him with a podium. He then leaned heavily against it and repeated ad nauseum, ‘It is with great reluctance that I extend the Patriot Act, for I abhor its every tenet.’ I’ve seen many challenged patients over the years, but it never gets easier to watch a once-vital individual deteriorate in this manner.”

Because researchers are working within a critical time frame, several potential therapies have been fast-tracked by the Food and Drug Administration.

“One treatment has given us a glimmer of hope,” Dr. Jarvis said. “In an encouraging number of cases, our Democrats have responded fairly well to being slapped squarely in the face and told in a firm voice to ‘snap out of it,’ much as Cher did to Nicolas Cage in Moonstruck.”

Added Dr. Jarvis, “The slapped Democrats were not yet able to stand tall, but at least some of them lost that pathetic grin.”

via DeadBrain – Scientists Work Feverishly To Restore Spines of Congressional Democrats.

via DeadBrain – Scientists Work Feverishly To Restore Spines of Congressional Democrats.

New poll shows majority of Americans would support Hillary Clinton presidency bid


A new poll over speculation that Hillary Clinton may run for president in 2016 shows the majority of Americans would support her bid.

According to the ABC News/Washington Post survey, 57 percent of people would support Clinton as a presidential candidate, versus 37 percent opposed.

The research shows the current Secretary of State has 66 percent among women and the backing of 82 percent of Democrats and 59 percent of independents. Clinton, a Democratic candidate in 2009, also snagged support from 23 percent of Republican respondents.

In her current role, a full 68 percent of those surveyed approved of her position, while 68 percent approved overall.

Read More: Mike Bloomberg’s love triangle with Hillary Clinton and Christine Quinn

The research shows Clinton does less well among nonwhites than did Obama, who won re-election with 80 percent of their support last month.

Read More US political stories here

This ABC News/Washington Post poll was conducted by landline and cellphone Nov. 28-Dec. 2, 2012, among a random national sample of 1,020 adults.

Clinton, who is currently visiting Ireland, is expected to step down from her State Department at the end of the year.

The former first lady arrived in Ireland on Wednesday as part of a four-day visit to Europe.

On Thursday she will deliver a speech on human rights at the Helix in Dublin City University (DCU). She will travel to Belfast on Friday to discuss the peace process and investment opportunities.

via New poll shows majority of Americans would support Hillary Clinton presidency bid | Irish News | IrishCentral.

via New poll shows majority of Americans would support Hillary Clinton presidency bid | Irish News | IrishCentral.

Republicans Control Best-Run States in America, 24/7 Wall St. Survey Shows


The annual Best and Worst Run States in America survey by 24/7 Wall St. came out today, revealing that the top 5 states are led by Republicans while the bottom five are dominated by Democrats.

The list is based on a review of data for financial health, standard of living and government services. While noting that current situations may stem from decisions made years ago and that external factors like weather can be as much to blame as poor governance, 24/7 Wall St. also points out that all of the high-ranking states have “well-managed budgets” and the worst states have “high debt relative to both income and expenditure.”

Here’s how it breaks down at the top and bottom of the list cross-referenced with details on party control based on this map from Americans for Tax Reform:

HE TOP 5 STATES:

1.  North Dakota

Governor: Jack Dalrymple, Republican

State Senate: Republican control

State House of Representatives: Republican control

> Debt per capita: $3,282 (22nd lowest)

> Budget deficit: None

> Unemployment: 3.5% (the lowest)

> Median household income: $51,704 (20th highest)

> Pct. below poverty line: 12.2% (13th lowest)

2. Wyoming

 Governor: Matt Mead, Republican

State Senate: Republican control

State House of Representatives: Republican control

> Debt per capita: $2,694 (18th lowest)

> Budget deficit: 10.3% (32nd largest)

> Unemployment: 6.0% (7th lowest)

> Median household income: $56,322 (13th highest)

3. Nebraska

Governor: Dave Heineman, Republican

State Legislature: Republican control

> Debt per capita: $1,279 (2nd lowest)

> Budget deficit: 9.7% (34th largest)

> Unemployment: 4.4% (2nd lowest)

> Median household income: $50,296 (22nd highest)

> Pct. below poverty line: 13.1% (tied-15th lowest)

4. Utah

Governor: Gary Herbert, Republican

State Senate: Republican control

State House of Representatives: Republican control

> Debt per capita: $2,356 (15th lowest)

> Budget deficit: 14.7% (25th largest)

> Unemployment: 6.7% (tied-11th lowest)

> Median household income: $55,869 (14th highest)

> Pct. below poverty line: 13.5% (tied-17th lowest)

5. Iowa

Governor: Terry Branstad, Republican

State Senate: Republican control

State House of Representatives: Republican control

> Debt per capita: $1,690 (7th lowest)

> Budget deficit: 20.3% (18th largest)

> Unemployment: 5.9% (6th lowest)

> Median household income: $49,427 (24th highest)

> Pct. below poverty line: 12.8% (14th lowest)

via Republicans Control Best-Run States in America, 24/7 Wall St. Survey Shows | TheBlaze.com.

via Republicans Control Best-Run States in America, 24/7 Wall St. Survey Shows | TheBlaze.com.

 

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