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Financial Aid Addiction


The Republic of Rotten Island is currently suffering an epidemic of aid addiction.

As a gesture of sympathy, the UK has offered the Republic of Rotten Island a top up loan of about Stg£5bn with the stipulation that the Government accepts the sum in Brixton Pounds. The Brixton pound is only legal tender in certain Brixton shops. It carries the same exchange rate as the British pound.

Negotiations with the Irish government are continuing over the exact terms, but the chancellor believed Rotten Island was a ‘friend in need’ Nevertheless they would still be expected to bring a truck of Guinness to the signing ceremony.

The Chancellor said, ‘this is a great opportunity for Ireland to be a part of an unusually one-sided deal. We will gladly lend them all that they require in Brixton pounds to ensure British interests in Brixton remain to the fore. The money loaned is not to be spent just anywhere; it is to be spent with us in Brixton. I am not stupid I have interests there.’

I say to the Irish, ask any Londoner, and they will tell you about the kind of product that can be bought in Brixton.’

‘It is continually reported to be of a very high quality.’

MP for Brixton Hashish Chuka Umunna welcomed the news.

“Brixton is a hive of verdant urban industry. Green leaf gardening is a big hobby, and we would welcome the Irish to come over, take in the smells of the area.

The Republic of Rotten Island is likely to agree to the deal, but only if they are allowed to pay back the loan over four generations and in the form of Panini football stickers.

Le Grand Dame, the Prime Minister of Rotten Island, said he hoped to engage local street traders from Brixton to start the rare antique sticker printing process to facilitate the lack of stinkers in Rotten Island. An invisible opposition member stated this would lead to a possible sticker bailout and accused the Blue Blouse Marist government of being disingenuous with the people.

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