In an astonishing announcement, Simon Slovenly the Minister of Muck and Water confirmed Ireland to be the lost Island of Atlantis and the Hill of Tara to be its legendary missing city. In a preamble on a special newscast to the Nation last night, he explained to his audience that his name “Simon” was of Hebrew origin. He elucidated his Christian name literally means “To Be Heard.” He, therefore, felt it was appropriate that he be the bearer of such sensational news. The work leading up to these revelations was carried out in the greatest of secrecy by members his department in conjunction with various lesser government departments, which were of little concern to him. However, the moment of revelation according to the Minister occurred at sea whilst awaiting a delivery of a consignment of giggle weed to his yacht. He believes the great God Enki came to him in a dream and told him to excavate Tara and that once finished Ireland would see prosperity return. Enki made one stipulation, and that was for the hill to be ring fenced by a network of vast roads.
He said we now have conclusive proof that Ireland is the lost Island of Atlantis. He also believes Tara to be the home of the supernatural blue stones of the Spirit Enki the opener of Star gates and bringer of enlightenment. He felt the department of Mythical lands would very shortly be able to verify the whereabouts of the stones. Archaeologists have also unearthed strong evidence to suggest that Tara is the final resting place of the Arc of the Covenant. All that stands in the way of the recovery of these treasures are the guardians of the tombs the feared Tuatha De Danaan. A team of elite Israeli negotiators specially trained in dealing with mythical beans led by Ari Flatus will shortly arrive in Ireland to help resolve the matter.
We as nation sincerely hope these stones before long will see the light of day. As of now, the government is leading its people through a Dark Age and the need for enlightenment is a perquisite to the future development of the nation.
The Minister went on to blame English shock troops acting on behalf of Rome for the demise of Tara. Following the invasion, English priests subsequently proceeded to obliterate Tara out of the History books. In addition, they then sent their agent the Welsh wizard Saint Patrick to Ireland to burn all historical records, writings, and teachings of the ancient Irish. Although the flame of the old culture waned at times, the Holy Writ of the past remained embedded in the hearts of the people. The role of St. Patrick in Irish history will need revision after these revelations. Just imagine a book burner a destroyer of culture and heritage up to the present day looked upon as the national emblem of Irishness.
The developments at the Hill of Tara will have far-ranging implications on the religious and political front not just in Ireland but right across the universe.