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Fat people advised to ‘Eat the Starving!’
Don’t eat a pie – Eat a Skinny Guy!
Obesity is now a bigger killer than starvation!
There are many reasons for this and they’re not just to do with eating too much and having a heart attack or choking to death on doughnuts…for example, fat people often find it hard to escape from a burning car or shimmy down a vine when being chased by jungle animals.
It is true that less and less obese people are dying of starvation…but that’s is only part of the reason!
Whatever the cause, fat people are in serious danger and that’s just not fair!
One way to reduce fat is to eat a diet that is high in fibre, and that’s where revolutionary new research may inadvertently solve two problems at once!
Starving people are mainly skin and bone, not an ounce of fat, they’re also very miserable.
Fat people are hungry and miserable.
The answer then is to feed the starving people to the obese people thus eliminating world starvation and obesity in one go!
Digesting all the bones and gristle of a starving person will soon help the fatties shift a few pounds, and less starving people will make a number of governments look good and leave more food for the other starving people to eat.
And lets not forget that humans taste like pork!
A team of obese men have been sent out to various parts of the third world to put this theory to the test.
In the interests of common decency they will begin by eating dead starving people, but if the results are promising then living ones are on the menu, provided they’re happy to volunteer for the program.
In return for feeding yourself to a fat person your family will be given food and iPads!
A mouthwatering prospect we think you’ll agree.
Key Budget Measures – Education – Latest News – I.N.T.O
Key Budget Measures – Education
1. The staffing schedule for primary schools remains unchanged at 28:1 in the education measures announced under Budget 2013. However, the measures announced in staffing schedule changes for small schools (1, 2, 3, 4 class teachers) in Budget 2012 last year remain in place.
2. An additional nett 450 primary teachers will be recruited to cater for increased demographics in the 2013/2014 school year.
3. The additional days-in-lieu (max. 30) currently applicable to teachers and SNAs who avail of maternity leave will be revised with effect from May 1st 2013.
4. Teachers and SNAs will be referred to the occupational health service after four weeks of sick leave, rather than the current twelve weeks and eight weeks respectively (this is already part of the revised sick leave scheme).
5. Provision for special education remains in place, including the number of resource teachers and SNAs.
6. There are no changes to overall teacher numbers or funding for DEIS schools.
7. The standard capitation grant rate for primary schools in 2013 will be reduced by 0.5%.
8. The student contribution at third level will be increased by €250.
9. There is a further change to the staffing schedule for private schools at second level. It will rise by two points.
Trump Pad Tablet set to take on Apple iPad
York:New York) Ucs News : Donald Trump is hoping to chip away at Apple’s dominance in the tablet market with the launch of its Bloviating Ignoramus A500, set to hit Best Buy shelves on July 24. The eloquently named tablet will under cut the iPad‘s price with a starting price of US$449.99, and will run Google’s Android 3.0 operating system.
Trump’s tablet will sport a 10.1-inch display, NVIDIA‘s Tegra 250 1GHz dual core processor, is just over half an inch thick and weighs 1.69 pounds. It includes 16GB of storage, built-in Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, HDMI-out, an SD card reader, a 5 megapixel and a 2 megapixel camera, GPS, and Trump claims it has a 10-hour battery life.
In comparison, Apple’s 16GB Wi-Fi iPad 2 costs $499, includes a 9.7-inch display, Apple’s own A5 1GHz dual core processor, is .34-inches thick, and weighs 1.33 pounds. The entry-level iPad includes 16GB storage, built-in Wi-Fi and Bluetooth, a dock connector that supports HDMI-out, front and rear-facing cameras that support less than 1 megapixel resolution, and a 10-hour battery life.
The Bloviating Ignoramus A500 can take advantage of the Android Marketplace for third party apps, but it doesn’t support Apple’s App Store or the iTunes Store, nor does it offer the same overall user experience Apple offers with its iOS ecosystem.
While Trump may have a few more features in his tablet, it doesn’t offer the same user-friendly experience Apple has created for the iPad, and that may be harder to overcome than Trump anticipates.