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Jesus May Appear in Many (exclusively white) Forms


Throughout the new testament, especially after the crucifixion, Jesus appeared to different people in different form. It would be easy to laugh this off as confirmation bias in the face of obviously damning evidence, but Jesus doesn’t believe in damnation as much as salvation.

I’m something of an expert on salvation. It is literally my middle name. I’m not joking. It’s printed on my license. I know what I’m talking about.

But while Jesus may appear in many different forms to many different people, why is it that he always appears as a white hippy to Americans? In recent years he doesn’t even have a long beard, but rather a well-kempt one, as if he might have owned a Flowbee.

Well fret not my fellow doubters in Christ, the answers are as many as they are plentiful and cornicopiaieriaioreosally… As sure as Christ’s death absolved me of sin, that’s a real word.

65-jesus-italian1 (1)

via Jesus May Appear in Many (exclusively white) Forms (comic) | GlossyNews.com.

Atheist Ireland Publishes 25 Blasphemous Quotes


From  1 January 2010,  Irish blasphemy law came into being. Blasphemy is  a crime punishable by a €25,000 fine. The law defines blasphemy as publishing or uttering matter that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby intentionally causing outrage among a substantial number of adherents of that religion, with some defences permitted.

This  law is both silly and dangerous. It is silly because medieval religious laws have no place in a modern secular republic, where the criminal law should protect people and not ideas. And it is dangerous because it incentivises religious outrage, and because Islamic States led by Pakistan are already using the wording of this Irish law to promote new blasphemy laws at UN level.

We believe in the golden rule: that we have a right to be treated justly, and that we have a responsibility to treat other people justly. Blasphemy laws are unjust: they silence people in order to protect ideas. In a civilised society, people have a right to to express and to hear ideas about religion even if other people find those ideas to be outrageous.

Publication of 25 blasphemous quotes

In this context we now publish a list of 25 blasphemous quotes, which have previously been published by or uttered by or attributed to Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Mark Twain, Tom Lehrer, Randy Newman, James Kirkup, Monty Python, Rev Ian Paisley, Conor Cruise O’Brien, Frank Zappa, Salman Rushdie, Bjork, Amanda Donohoe, George Carlin, Paul Woodfull, Jerry Springer the Opera, Tim Minchin, Richard Dawkins, Pope Benedict XVI, Christopher Hitchens, PZ Myers, Ian O’Doherty, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor and Dermot Ahern.

Despite these quotes being abusive and insulting in relation to matters held sacred by various religions, we unreservedly support the right of these people to have published or uttered them, and we unreservedly support the right of any Irish citizen to make comparable statements about matters held sacred by any religion without fear of being criminalised, and without having to prove to a court that a reasonable person would find any particular value in the statement.

Campaign begins to repeal the Irish blasphemy law

We ask Fianna Fail and the Green Party to repeal their anachronistic blasphemy law, as part of the revision of the Defamation Act that is included within the Act. We ask them to hold a referendum to remove the reference to blasphemy from the Irish Constitution.

We also ask all TDs and Senators to support a referendum to remove references to God from the Irish Constitution, including the clauses that prevent atheists from being appointed as President of Ireland or as a Judge without swearing a religious oath asking God to direct them in their work.

If you run a website, blog or other media publication, please feel free to republish this statement and the list of quotes yourself, in order to show your support for the campaign to repeal the Irish blasphemy law and to promote a rational, ethical, secular Ireland.

List of 25 Blasphemous Quotes Published by Atheist Ireland

1. Jesus Christ, when asked if he was the son of God, in Matthew 26:64: “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.” According to the Christian Bible, the Jewish chief priests and elders and council deemed this statement by Jesus to be blasphemous, and they sentenced Jesus to death for saying it.

2. Jesus Christ, talking to Jews about their God, in John 8:44: “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him.” This is one of several chapters in the Christian Bible that can give a scriptural foundation to Christian anti-Semitism. The first part of John 8, the story of “whoever is without sin cast the first stone”, was not in the original version, but was added centuries later. The original John 8 is a debate between Jesus and some Jews. In brief, Jesus calls the Jews who disbelieve him sons of the Devil, the Jews try to stone him, and Jesus runs away and hides.

3. Muhammad, quoted in Hadith of Bukhari, Vol 1 Book 8 Hadith 427: “May Allah curse the Jews and Christians for they built the places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” This quote is attributed to Muhammad on his death-bed as a warning to Muslims not to copy this practice of the Jews and Christians. It is one of several passages in the Koran and in Hadith that can give a scriptural foundation to Islamic anti-Semitism, including the assertion in Sura 5:60 that Allah cursed Jews and turned some of them into apes and swine.

4. Mark Twain, describing the Christian Bible in Letters from the Earth, 1909: “Also it has another name – The Word of God. For the Christian thinks every word of it was dictated by God. It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies… But you notice that when the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war, there is no limit. He is totally without mercy – he, who is called the Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the girls, except those that have not been deflowered. He makes no distinction between innocent and guilty… What the insane Father required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished it.” Twain’s book was published posthumously in 1939. His daughter, Clara Clemens, at first objected to it being published, but later changed her mind in 1960 when she believed that public opinion had grown more tolerant of the expression of such ideas. That was half a century before Fianna Fail and the Green Party imposed a new blasphemy law on the people of Ireland.

5. Tom Lehrer, The Vatican Rag, 1963: “Get in line in that processional, step into that small confessional. There, the guy who’s got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playing it safer, drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate!”

6. Randy Newman, God’s Song, 1972: “And the Lord said: I burn down your cities – how blind you must be. I take from you your children, and you say how blessed are we. You all must be crazy to put your faith in me. That’s why I love mankind.”

7. James Kirkup, The Love That Dares to Speak its Name, 1976: “While they prepared the tomb I kept guard over him. His mother and the Magdalen had gone to fetch clean linen to shroud his nakedness. I was alone with him… I laid my lips around the tip of that great cock, the instrument of our salvation, our eternal joy. The shaft, still throbbed, anointed with death’s final ejaculation.” This extract is from a poem that led to the last successful blasphemy prosecution in Britain, when Denis Lemon was given a suspended prison sentence after he published it in the now-defunct magazine Gay News. In 2002, a public reading of the poem, on the steps of St. Martin-in-the-Fields church in Trafalgar Square, failed to lead to any prosecution. In 2008, the British Parliament abolished the common law offences of blasphemy and blasphemous libel.

8. Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979: “Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.”

9. Rev Ian Paisley MEP to the Pope in the European Parliament, 1988: “I denounce you as the Antichrist.” Paisley’s website describes the Antichrist as being “a liar, the true son of the father of lies, the original liar from the beginning… he will imitate Christ, a diabolical imitation, Satan transformed into an angel of light, which will deceive the world.”

10. Conor Cruise O’Brien, 1989: “In the last century the Arab thinker Jamal al-Afghani wrote: ‘Every Muslim is sick and his only remedy is in the Koran.’ Unfortunately the sickness gets worse the more the remedy is taken.”

11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine – but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you’ve been bad or good – and cares about any of it – to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working.”

12. Salman Rushdie, 1990: “The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas – uncertainty, progress, change – into crimes.” In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa ordering Muslims to kill Rushdie because of blasphemous passages in Rushdie’s novel The Satanic Verses.

13. Bjork, 1995: “I do not believe in religion, but if I had to choose one it would be Buddhism. It seems more livable, closer to men… I’ve been reading about reincarnation, and the Buddhists say we come back as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals aren’t lesser beings, they’re just like us. So I say fuck the Buddhists.”

14. Amanda Donohoe on her role in the Ken Russell movie Lair of the White Worm, 1995: “Spitting on Christ was a great deal of fun. I can’t embrace a male god who has persecuted female sexuality throughout the ages, and that persecution still goes on today all over the world.”

15. George Carlin, 1999: “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!”

16. Paul Woodfull as Ding Dong Denny O’Reilly, The Ballad of Jaysus Christ, 2000: “He said me ma’s a virgin and sure no one disagreed, Cause they knew a lad who walks on water’s handy with his feet… Jaysus oh Jaysus, as cool as bleedin’ ice, With all the scrubbers in Israel he could not be enticed, Jaysus oh Jaysus, it’s funny you never rode, Cause it’s you I do be shoutin’ for each time I shoot me load.”

17. Jesus Christ, in Jerry Springer The Opera, 2003: “Actually, I’m a bit gay.” In 2005, the Christian Institute tried to bring a prosecution against the BBC for screening Jerry Springer the Opera, but the UK courts refused to issue a summons.

18. Tim Minchin, Ten-foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins, 2005: “So you’re gonna live in paradise, With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins, So you’re gonna sacrifice your life, For a shot at the greener grass, And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgment, He’s gonna kick my heathen ass.”

19. Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion, 2006: “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” In 2007 Turkish publisher Erol Karaaslan was charged with the crime of insulting believers for publishing a Turkish translation of The God Delusion. He was acquitted in 2008, but another charge was brought in 2009. Karaaslan told the court that “it is a right to criticise religions and beliefs as part of the freedom of thought and expression.”

20. Pope Benedict XVI quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, 2006: “Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” This statement has already led to both outrage and condemnation of the outrage. The Organisation of the Islamic Conference, the world’s largest Muslim body, said it was a “character assassination of the prophet Muhammad”. The Malaysian Prime Minister said that “the Pope must not take lightly the spread of outrage that has been created.” Pakistan’s foreign Ministry spokesperson said that “anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence”. The European Commission said that “reactions which are disproportionate and which are tantamount to rejecting freedom of speech are unacceptable.”

21. Christopher Hitchens in God is not Great, 2007: “There is some question as to whether Islam is a separate religion at all… Islam when examined is not much more than a rather obvious and ill-arranged set of plagiarisms, helping itself from earlier books and traditions as occasion appeared to require… It makes immense claims for itself, invokes prostrate submission or ‘surrender’ as a maxim to its adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into the bargain. There is nothing-absolutely nothing-in its teachings that can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption.”

22. PZ Myers, on the Roman Catholic communion host, 2008: “You would not believe how many people are writing to me, insisting that these horrible little crackers (they look like flattened bits of styrofoam) are literally pieces of their god, and that this omnipotent being who created the universe can actually be seriously harmed by some third-rate liberal intellectual at a third-rate university… However, inspired by an old woodcut of Jews stabbing the host, I thought of a simple, quick thing to do: I pierced it with a rusty nail (I hope Jesus’s tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in the trash, followed by the classic, decorative items of trash cans everywhere, old coffeegrounds and a banana peel.”

23. Ian O’Doherty, 2009: “(If defamation of religion was illegal) it would be a crime for me to say that the notion of transubstantiation is so ridiculous that even a small child should be able to see the insanity and utter physical impossibility of a piece of bread and some wine somehow taking on corporeal form. It would be a crime for me to say that Islam is a backward desert superstition that has no place in modern, enlightened Europe and it would be a crime to point out that Jewish settlers in Israel who believe they have a God given right to take the land are, frankly, mad. All the above assertions will, no doubt, offend someone or other.”

24. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, 2009: “Whether a person is atheist or any other, there is in fact in my view something not totally human if they leave out the transcendent… we call it God… I think that if you leave that out you are not fully human.” Because atheism is not a religion, the Irish blasphemy law does not protect atheists from abusive and insulting statements about their fundamental beliefs. While atheists are not seeking such protection, we include the statement here to point out that it is discriminatory that this law does not hold all citizens equal.

25. Dermot Ahern, Irish Minister for Justice, introducing his blasphemy law at an Oireachtas Justice Committee meeting, 2009, and referring to comments made about him personally: “They are blasphemous.” Deputy Pat Rabbitte replied: “Given the Minister’s self-image, it could very well be that we are blaspheming,” and Minister Ahern replied: “Deputy Rabbitte says that I am close to the baby Jesus, I am so pure.” So here we have an Irish Justice Minister joking about himself being blasphemed, at a parliamentary Justice Committee discussing his own blasphemy law, that could make his own jokes illegal.

Finally, as a bonus, Micheal Martin, Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs, opposing attempts by Islamic States to make defamation of religion a crime at UN level, 2009: “We believe that the concept of defamation of religion is not consistent with the promotion and protection of human rights. It can be used to justify arbitrary limitations on, or the denial of, freedom of expression. Indeed, Ireland considers that freedom of expression is a key and inherent element in the manifestation of freedom of thought and conscience and as such is complementary to freedom of religion or belief.” Just months after Minister Martin made this comment, his colleague Dermot Ahern introduced Ireland’s new blasphemy law.

Atheist Ireland Publishes 25 Blasphemous Quotes | blasphemy.ie.

Margaret Thatcher’s Brief Visit to Heaven


Margaret Thatcher’s meeting with With Jesus Christ aka God , the Holy Trinity appears not to have gone smoothly

Jesus Loved the Weed


“Hippies and flower children of the 60′s would always describe one sick beat of any nature as being “Groovy” or “Far out”. We feel the same way. It doesn’t matter if it’s guitar, bass, violin, piano, ukulele, anything! This is the beats that intoxicate our brains, blow our minds, and really send us …well… Far out man.”

People have been consuming weed since the beginning of time, and we do not plan on stopping any time soon. Who is to say that Jesus did not smoke weed? IF anything, it is much more likely that he toked up than not. Besides, advocating for peace and the elation of the pauper is much easier when mellowed out

via Jesus Loved the Weed | Stoner Schematics.

via Jesus Loved the Weed | Stoner Schematics.

A Surprise announcement from the Vatican with far Reaching Theological Implications


Jerusalem 1 April 2013
A surprise announcement with wide ranging theological implications has sent shock waves around the world. Jesus Christ (Daddy Jr.) the Jewish founder of Christianity and spiritual leader of two billion Christians today revealed that he had converted to the one true religion of “The Previous Day church of the Mighty Leprechaun”.
Mr. Christ said I know that I have erred and I should not have followed my father’s path. I deeply regret any problems or confusion I may have caused.
He urged Christians worldwide to renounce His former religion to join him in embracing The Church of The Mighty Leprechaun and to follow its divine leader Money Bags O’Gold.
He went on to state that it was an insidious misunderstanding that the Church of the Mighty Leprechaun, both past and present indulged in human and animal sacrifice. Moreover, he said on the contrary no evidence was available to substantiate this theory. He citied one of the main reasons for leaving the Christian church was his Daddies fondness for human and animal sacrifice, his support of slavery and the various war crimes committed by his father.
An unnamed church source on behalf of Junior issued the following press release
To quote my fathers words
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to turn
“A man against his father,
A daughter against her mother,
A daughter-in –law against her mother…
Junior said the genocide of 25 million people in a flood was indefensible.
The following is a partial list of other crimes committed by my father.
Kill every Egyptian first born.
A plague for complaining about the standard of grub.
Another plague for frolicking in the hay with the daughters of Moab.
God orders Moses to slaughter the Midianites but to keep the virgin females for further usage.
God delivers the King of Bashan to the Israelites so that they might butcher them.
God has the Midianites soldiers comically kill one and other.
God gets fed up with David for taking a census and sends another plague resulting in large scale loss of life.
God delivers the Syrians into Ahab’s hands for massacre.
The Lord strikes down the vast army of the Cushites.
God massacres soldiers of Judah because they had forsaken the lord.

He went on to state one of the great traits of the Leprechaun church lied in its tolerance of diversity, which is both healthy and natural. He also maintained that none of us had a monopoly on truth
Neither the Daddy nor the spook was available for comment but religious leaders are indicating a Multi faceted divinity split.
In further news The Vatican’s College of Cardinals have advocated embracing Leprechaun law, while the other half is calling for Christ’s immediate excommunication and recommending the interim worship of Pope Francis until a suitable replacement deity is found.
On Hearing this news, The Pope burst out into his favorite song
Hello young boys
Rama, dama, ding dong
Here I come
The Church of the Mighty Leprechaun stated that they would continue raising pots of gold from a gullible public. They further stated that they did not expect this development to impact on them but they saw this as an opportunity to strengthen their fund raising operations.
Money Bags O’Gold in a rare public utterance thanked Christ for this bountiful windfall.

How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary?


The virgin birth of God into the world is perhaps the most amazing event ever described in any spiritual document. The notion of a virgin birth from an “immaculate conception” is so unfathomable to the human mind that it has caused many serious thinking men and woman to mock such a thing and embrace atheism or scientific secularism. Perhaps I can help offer a way to understand the Lord’s Advent that is more acceptable to human reasoning.

I will have to approach this topic from several directions. Each direction will be extremely challenging—especially within the limitations of a blog post.

Quantum mechanics suggests that nothing exists alone. This is also referred to as quantum entanglement. All finite things rely on something greater than themselves. If you follow the logical trajectory of such thinking you will have to conclude that finite things have their origin in the infinite—since anything limited must have come from something greater or less limited, and that ultimately, from something even greater and less limited as well (ad infinitum).

If you accept the premise that God is Infinite, then God is everywhere and sustains all things (theism). So the Lord God is equally and fully present in the ovary and eggs of a human female as with a giant galaxy containing billions of stars. However, according to scientist/theologian Emanuel Swedenborg, God’s Infinite activity is manifested in finite things according to their receptivity.

What does receptivity mean?

Swedenborg claimed that God’s creative spiritual action flows into (impregnates) matter with dynamic forms of usefulness. Physical matter simply provides a matrix for utility to emerge into actual form with greater and greater complexity (evolutionary process). Since Mary’s ovum is a matrix for human life, it already possessed the complexity to be more receptive to God’s living influence than other worldly structures. But even more importantly, since God focused on a particular female gamete, it would serve as a recipient form for the greatest of all uses—the glorification of the Lord and salvation of the human race.

This focus was a Divine seed, which fused with Mary’s haploid chromosome set, to allow the Lord to be born into the physical world and grow up to live among humans. Therefore, the Lord’s soul or spirit within this seed was Jehovah Himself, but His body was formed from Mary’s hereditary input.

To grasp what generative powers constituted the Divine seed we have to first ask ourselves “What is a seed?” Answer: A seed is a concept—a complete blueprint for something to take final shape. (For instance, a tree seed contains the complete idea and patterning principles of the mature tree). God’s seed contains the complete idea of His grand cosmic plan and purpose for creation—to create a heaven from the human race! (What else would be the “twinkle” in God’s eye?)

But the human race was on a downward trajectory. Divine intervention was called for.

The Divine seed and patterning principle that impregnated Mary’s ovum was nothing less than the Holy Word Itself. It was God’s Infinite Truth and living blueprint that, through Mary’s ovum, could become infused with a flawed human corporeal ego and its false sense of self. This human hereditary baggage would now be constantly matched against the ultimate Truth as the Lord grew up in the world.

By resisting human proclivities towards evil and the vanities and allurements of the world, the Lord’s life on earth served to bring what genetically belongs to man in harmony with what belongs to God.

What most traditional theologians are unaware of is that the narratives of Scripture (God’s Word) depict this combat between God and human imperfection when the natural meanings of its literal sense are distilled to reveal higher spiritual meanings. This higher-level exposition reveals profound details of the sacred process of how the Lord made the Word flesh by combating His human compulsions (and Hell’s influences) until He successfully united His Human essence with His Divine Essence. This is how the Lord Jesus became one with the Father and Glorified Himself as the Alpha and Omega. This is also why there was an empty tomb.

We all must go through a similar process to obtain salvation and eternal happiness. Our success can only come from imploring the help of the One who succeeded in overcoming all repugnant human traits. If we do this and adopt the spiritual principle of mutual love into our hearts, minds and lives we will indeed help God create a heaven from the human race! (The God Guy)

via How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary? | who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew..

via How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary? | who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew..

Thought for the Day


Easter is coming. Are you ready?What I like about this is its profound sense of immaturity .  But then maybe no more immature than the whole concept of Easter

vq7dd2

Jesus loses in ‘Masterchef – The Deities’ final following disappointing ‘loaves and fishes’ dish


Fans of the BBC’s popular ‘Masterchef – The Deities’ series were left reeling last night as odds-on favourite Jesus Christ fell at the last hurdle, handing victory on a plate to rank outsider Buddha.

‘Jesus had made the running all the way through,’ said judge Gregg Wallace, ‘but in the final his loaves and fishes signature dish was something of an anti-climax. The flavours were poor and it was undercooked. He didn’t even serve any of those nice chunky chips with it. So disappointing. It was also suspiciously reminiscent of a Birds Eye cod fish finger in breadcrumbs.’

Fellow judge John Torode was also disappointed by Jesus’s final effort. ‘It just lacked the creativity of some of his earlier creations,’ he grumbled, ‘like that magnificent white wine sauce from the semi-final, created out of just a few jeroboams of water.’

Jesus defended his efforts, however, saying that he thought the judges had been overly harsh with their comments. ‘Let’s remember that I was cooking for 5,000 covers at the time. Cooking doesn’t get tougher than that. To be honest it would have been a miracle if I had managed to pull it off.’

Series champion Buddha was also surprised at the result. ‘I thought Jesus was nailed on for the title,’ he said. ‘I was frankly pretty surprised that my minimalist dish with no animals or vegetables in it was enough for the win, but that’s nouvelle cuisine for you, isn’t it.’

Other deities had fallen earlier in the competition. ‘Mohammed blew his chance in the opening round when he refused to taste his cock-a-leekie soup because it was Ramadan,’ explained Wallace. ‘As a result he accidentally left out the seasoning, and that was the end of him. And you should have seen the pickle Vishnu got into in the kitchen – arms tangled up everywhere. It was hilarious, but his jam roly-poly was a right mess.’

Despite his disappointment, Jesus has vowed that this won’t be the last we see of him on the culinary front. ‘You can’t keep a good man down. I’m planning on launching my own range of milk-chocolate eggs. I’ve got a feeling they’ll sell well around Easter time. If only I could think of a good PR stunt to promote them…’

via Jesus loses in ‘Masterchef – The Deities’ final following disappointing ‘loaves and fishes’ dish | NewsBiscuit.

via Jesus loses in ‘Masterchef – The Deities’ final following disappointing ‘loaves and fishes’ dish | NewsBiscuit.

The Greatest Political Mistake Ever Made


Message from Pontius Pilate in Judea to Tiberius Caesar in Rome: We have this guy running around Judea stirring up people and telling them everyone should treat everyone else as neighbors and love your enemies. This religious fanatic could pose a security risk to the Empire.

Tiberius to Pilate: Impose a state of emergency in Jerusalem. Require all gatherings to have to apply for a permit. Don’t grant any permits. Do not let large groups of people gather to hear this radical leader.

Pilate to Tiberius: We tried that but the movement keeps growing. This guy is dangerous. People are claiming he takes stones and turns them into loaves of bread, walks on water and raises dead people back to life. Our confidential informant says many people think the guy is the Messiah. Our CI also says the guy talks to God. The CI says the guy told his followers “render unto Caesar what is Caeser’s and render unto God what is God‘s.”

Tiberius to Pilate: I am God. everything renders to me. This is a direct threat to my authority. Arrest him and his leadership group.

Pilate to Tiberius: Are you sure? This is only gong to stir things up even more. We could make martyrs out of them. If we ignore them maybe they’ll just fade away.

Tiberius to Pilate: Do I have to send someone from Rome to do the job. Cut off the head of the snake.

Pilate to Tiberius: OK. So we arrest the leader. Then what do we do? IÂ’d like to put him on a slave galley.

Tiberius to Pilate: Make an example of him. Kill him in some locally cruel and unusual way. Crucifixion.

Pilate to Tiberius: WeÂ’ve got this Jewish holiday coming up, Passover I think they call it. The guy is getting a bunch of his disciples together for a Seder on Friday. Our CI says he’s going to make some important announcement. Should we grab him before the dinner or after?

Tiberius to Pilate: Pick him up after the dinner, hold a show trial, parade him through the city, and nail him to a cross.

LaterÂ….

Pilate to Tiberius: OK. We did that. Threw in a couple of thieves as well. But three days later the guy’s body disappeared and now everyone is saying the guy was “resurrected” and went to live with God up in Heaven and all of us are being saved.

Tiberius to Pilate: DonÂ’t worryÂ…this will blow over and no one will remember the guy in a few years and things will go back to normal.

Pilate to Tiberius: Just for the record, the guyÂ’s name was Jesus Christ

via The Greatest Political Mistake Ever Made.

via The Greatest Political Mistake Ever Made.

God is Imaginary


The belief in “god” seems to be ubiquitous through the ages.

We know, for example, that the ancient Egyptians believed in their gods so fervently that they built massive structures like the Great Pyramid — still today one of the largest and most enduring human constructions ever created. Despite that fervor, however, we know with complete certainty today that the Egyptian gods were imaginary. There is no evidence of their existence. Thus we do not build pyramids anymore and we do not mummify our leaders.

More recently we know that tens of millions of Romans worshiped Jupiter and his friends, and to them they built magnificent temples. The ruins of these temples are popular tourist attractions even today. Yet we know with complete certainty that these gods were imaginary. There is no evidence for their existence and thus no one worships Zeus any more.

Much more recently, we know that the Aztec civilization believed in their gods so intensely that they constructed huge temples and pyramids. In addition, Aztecs were so zealous that they were sacrificing hundreds of human beings to their gods as recently as the 16th century. Despite the intensity, however, we know today that these gods were completely imaginary. The Aztecs were insane to be murdering people for their gods. Killing a person has no effect on rainfall or anything else. We all know that. And there is no evidence whatsoever demonstrating that the Aztec gods exist. If the Aztec gods were real, we would still be offering sacrifices to them and these sacrifices would be effective.

Today’s “God” is just as imaginary as were these historical gods. The fact that millions of people worship a god is meaningless.

The “God” and the “Jesus” that Christians worship today are actually amalgams formed out of ancient pagan gods. The idea of a “virgin birth”, “burial in a rock tomb”, “resurrection after 3 days” and “eating of body and drinking of blood” had nothing to do with Jesus. All of the rituals in Christianity are completely man-made. Christianity is a snow ball that rolled over a dozen pagan religions. As the snowball grew, it freely attached pagan rituals and beliefs in order to be more palatable to converts. You can find accounts like these in popular literature:

“The vestiges of pagan religion in Christian symbology are undeniable. Egyptian sun disks became the halos of Catholic saints. Pictograms of Isis nursing her miraculously conceived son Horus became the blueprint for our modern images of the Virgin Mary nursing Baby Jesus. And virtually all the elements of the Catholic ritual – the miter, the altar, the doxology, and communion, the act of “God-eating” – were taken directly from earlier pagan mystery religions.”

“Nothing in Christianity is original. The pre-Christian God Mithras – called the Son of God and the Light of the World – was born on December 25, died, was buried in a rock tomb, and then resurrected in three days. By the way, December 25 is also the birthday or Osiris, Adonis, and Dionysus. The newborn Krishna was presented with gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Even Christianity’s weekly holy day was stolen from the pagans.”

This article points out that, “It has been noted since antiquity, and in modern scholarship since the 19th century, that Jesus Christ has striking parallels to other deities worshipped in Hellenistic religion, specifically to the cult of Dionysus in the Greek mystery religions and with the Buddha.” The article goes on to demonstrate striking similarities between Christianity and the religions that came before it.

It is extremely hard for a Christian believer to process this data, but nonetheless it is true. All of the “sacred rituals” of Christianity, and all of Christianity’s core beliefs (virgin birth, resurrection, etc.) come straight from other religions that were popular around the time of Jesus. Articles like this and this can help you learn more. Once you understand the fundamental truth of Christianity’s origins, the silliness of the whole thing becomes apparent.

Obviously the pagan believers, from whom Christianity derived its myths, worshiped gods that were imaginary. If Gods such as Horus, Ra, Mithras, etc. were real, we would have proof of their existence and everyone would be following those gods. Our “God” and “Jesus” today are simply extensions of these imaginary forerunners. Therefore God is imaginary.

via God is Imaginary – 

via God is Imaginary.

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