O’Brien, the country’s most senior Catholic, said that although some aspects of the Catholic faith are of ‘divine origin’ and therefore non-negotiable, allowing priests to marry might reduce the likelihood of them bumming kids.
He told reporters, “There’s some things we won’t budge on. Like abortion, euthanasia and the gays.”
“But Jesus didn’t say priests shouldn’t marry, so it should be on the table as an option, right?”
“After all, he didn’t specifically say ‘don’t rape young boys in your care’ either, so there’s clear precedent for basing church policy on things Jesus didn’t say.”
“You know, there comes a time in every man’s life when he becomes intrigued by the whole vagina thing, so maybe we take a cursory look at it?”
Priests could marry
The news that a whole new segment of eligible men could hit the dating market has alerted many single women on the look out for a husband.
“I suppose if push came to shove I could make do with one who hasn’t had any adult sexual partners.”
Britain’s most senior Catholic, Cardinal Keith O’Brien, was named Stonewall‘s Bigot of the Year last night, despite threats from Barclays and Coutts to withdraw their sponsorship of the awards over the category.
Cardinal O’Brien was “honoured” for his outspoken attacks on proposals to legalise same-sex marriage at the gay and lesbian campaign group’s annual awards. (© Independent News Service)