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North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8


PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)—North Korea’s official news agency announced today that the military’s planned missile test had been put on hold because of “problems with Windows 8.”

Intelligence analysts said that the announcement gave rare insight into the inner workings of North Korea’s missile program, which until last year had been running on Windows 95.

The announcement from the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) did not indicate a new scheduled time for a missile test, saying only that it was “working with Windows 8 support to resolve the issue.”

In the words of one intelligence analyst, “That means the test has been delayed indefinitely.”

A source close to the North Korean regime reported that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un is furious about the Windows 8 problems and is considering a number of options, including declaring war on Microsoft.

via North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8 : The New Yorker.

via North Korean Missile Test Delayed by Windows 8 : The New Yorker.

North Korean media reporting Kim Jung Un successfully threw satellite into orbit


North Korean media is reporting that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un successfully threw a satellite into orbit around the planet in the early hours of this morning.

The successful throw took place just outside Pyongyang, and marks a significant turn around in the fortunes of a country that struggles to put food on the table.

The Korean Central News Agency issued a statement, saying, “Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un today ascended a device to the heavens in honour of the Great Comrade Kim Il Sung – the Eternal Leader of our party and people.”

“Using only his bare hands His Supremefulness struck fear into the decadent West with a display of raw physicality unknown to those outside the glorious Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea.”

“Now check out the ‘gun show’.”

North Korean Satellite

Western analysts have case doubt upon the claims, insisting it currently looks like North Korea put a bath tub in orbit.

Norad spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “The boy looks like he enjoys a doughnut or three, so he’d have a bit of weight to put behind any throw, but it’s essentially impossible.”

The KCNA had the final word, telling rapt viewers of the national television station, “Barack Obama throws basketballs, but the Supreme Leader throws class C communication satellites. Who is better now, hmm?”

via North Korean media reporting Kim Jung Un successfully threw satellite into orbit.

via North Korean media reporting Kim Jung Un successfully threw satellite into orbit.

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