<div style=”margin-bottom:5px”> <strong> <a href=”http://www.slideshare.net/aoolmos1949/frankenstein-onthefarm” title=”Frankenstein on-the-farm” target=”_blank”>Frankenstein on-the-farm</a> </strong> from <strong><a href=”http://www.slideshare.net/aoolmos1949″ target=”_blank”>The Olmos Foundation</a></strong> </div>
Heaven for climate, and hell for society.
– Mark Twain’s Speechs, 1910 edition, p. 117.
We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons.
– Mark Twain’s Notebook
Dying man couldn’t make up his mind which place to go to — both have their advantages, “heaven for climate, hell for company!”
– Mark Twain‘s Notebooks and Journals, vol. 3
Singing hymns and waving palm branches through all eternity is pretty when you hear about it in the pulpit, but it’s as poor a way to put in valuable time as a body could contrive.
– Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven – Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
– Mark Twain, a Biography
24:31 “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, or their women, or their slaves.”
24:58 “O ye who believe! Let your slaves, and those of you who have not come to puberty, ask leave of you at three times (before they come into your presence).”
Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God….The Bible
…a God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell–mouths mercy, and invented hell–mouths Golden Rules and foregiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man’s acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!
– No. 44, The Mysterious Stranger…Mark Twain
Satan hasn’t a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
– Mark Twain
Where was the use, originally, in rushing this whole globe through in six days? It is likely that if more time had been taken in the first place, the world would have been made right, and this ceaseless improving and repairing would not be necessary now. But if you hurry a world or a house, you are nearly sure to find out by and by that you have left out a towhead, or a broom-closet, or some other little convenience, here and there, which has got to be supplied, no matter how much expense or vexation it may cost.
– Life on the Mississippi – Mark Twain
So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: “Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbour’s religion is.” Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.
– Mark Twain, a Biography
For one reason or another, Santa Claus (or a masturbating lunatic dressed as Santa Claus) has decided to scuttle down our chimneys like a sleigh-riding murder goblin and stab us all to death this holiday season, instead of doing the whole “presents and whimsical obesity” thing we’ve gotten used to. Maybe it’s a subtle indictment of the commercialization of Christmas. But probably it’s because drunken fraternity sociopaths and/or irony-worshiping hipsters cannot resist renting DVDs that looks like these:
via Santa Claus Slays.