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Supreme Court to rule on eating shellfish


THE US Supreme Court is debating whether America should follow Biblical laws on eating shellfish.

Right or wrong?

The ban on ‘whatever is in the seas and waters that does not have fins or scales’ is passionately supported by conservatives.

However it faces opposition from Americans who experimented with shellfish in their youth, or have relatives or friends who have eaten shrimp.

Meanwhile, Republicans are accused of making political capital by fomenting hatred against so-called ‘Godless big-city mollusc-munchers’.

Norman Steele, from Dallas, said: “The Lord had it right, these are detestable things. Like it says on my t-shirt, flag and car – GOD HATES CRABS.”

But Tom Booker, from Pasadena, said: “We’re not forcing anyone to do anything they don’t want to. Why can’t you enjoy your chicken just because I’m lustily devouring a big shiny red lobster?”

Nikki Hollis, from Chicago, added: “If my friends and I want to munch on a juicy oyster, that’s what we’re going to do.

“These small-minded people are just losing their shit because secretly they want to feast on bivalves.”

The pro-shellfish lobby has accused their opponents of ignoring other verses of Leviticus which prohibit tattoos, wearing garments of mixed fabric, and homosexuality.

Norman Steele said: “Shit, I don’t care if a couple o’ dudes want to ride each other’s assholes all night – ain’t none of my beeswax. Long as they ain’t eatin’ no scallops at the same time.”

via Supreme Court to rule on eating shellfish.

via Supreme Court to rule on eating shellfish.

How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary?


The virgin birth of God into the world is perhaps the most amazing event ever described in any spiritual document. The notion of a virgin birth from an “immaculate conception” is so unfathomable to the human mind that it has caused many serious thinking men and woman to mock such a thing and embrace atheism or scientific secularism. Perhaps I can help offer a way to understand the Lord’s Advent that is more acceptable to human reasoning.

I will have to approach this topic from several directions. Each direction will be extremely challenging—especially within the limitations of a blog post.

Quantum mechanics suggests that nothing exists alone. This is also referred to as quantum entanglement. All finite things rely on something greater than themselves. If you follow the logical trajectory of such thinking you will have to conclude that finite things have their origin in the infinite—since anything limited must have come from something greater or less limited, and that ultimately, from something even greater and less limited as well (ad infinitum).

If you accept the premise that God is Infinite, then God is everywhere and sustains all things (theism). So the Lord God is equally and fully present in the ovary and eggs of a human female as with a giant galaxy containing billions of stars. However, according to scientist/theologian Emanuel Swedenborg, God’s Infinite activity is manifested in finite things according to their receptivity.

What does receptivity mean?

Swedenborg claimed that God’s creative spiritual action flows into (impregnates) matter with dynamic forms of usefulness. Physical matter simply provides a matrix for utility to emerge into actual form with greater and greater complexity (evolutionary process). Since Mary’s ovum is a matrix for human life, it already possessed the complexity to be more receptive to God’s living influence than other worldly structures. But even more importantly, since God focused on a particular female gamete, it would serve as a recipient form for the greatest of all uses—the glorification of the Lord and salvation of the human race.

This focus was a Divine seed, which fused with Mary’s haploid chromosome set, to allow the Lord to be born into the physical world and grow up to live among humans. Therefore, the Lord’s soul or spirit within this seed was Jehovah Himself, but His body was formed from Mary’s hereditary input.

To grasp what generative powers constituted the Divine seed we have to first ask ourselves “What is a seed?” Answer: A seed is a concept—a complete blueprint for something to take final shape. (For instance, a tree seed contains the complete idea and patterning principles of the mature tree). God’s seed contains the complete idea of His grand cosmic plan and purpose for creation—to create a heaven from the human race! (What else would be the “twinkle” in God’s eye?)

But the human race was on a downward trajectory. Divine intervention was called for.

The Divine seed and patterning principle that impregnated Mary’s ovum was nothing less than the Holy Word Itself. It was God’s Infinite Truth and living blueprint that, through Mary’s ovum, could become infused with a flawed human corporeal ego and its false sense of self. This human hereditary baggage would now be constantly matched against the ultimate Truth as the Lord grew up in the world.

By resisting human proclivities towards evil and the vanities and allurements of the world, the Lord’s life on earth served to bring what genetically belongs to man in harmony with what belongs to God.

What most traditional theologians are unaware of is that the narratives of Scripture (God’s Word) depict this combat between God and human imperfection when the natural meanings of its literal sense are distilled to reveal higher spiritual meanings. This higher-level exposition reveals profound details of the sacred process of how the Lord made the Word flesh by combating His human compulsions (and Hell’s influences) until He successfully united His Human essence with His Divine Essence. This is how the Lord Jesus became one with the Father and Glorified Himself as the Alpha and Omega. This is also why there was an empty tomb.

We all must go through a similar process to obtain salvation and eternal happiness. Our success can only come from imploring the help of the One who succeeded in overcoming all repugnant human traits. If we do this and adopt the spiritual principle of mutual love into our hearts, minds and lives we will indeed help God create a heaven from the human race! (The God Guy)

via How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary? | who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew..

via How did God impregnate the Virgin Mary? | who is the God of heaven ? the jesus I never knew..

Women Priests to give Catholics the Horn!


Being a Catholic is about having a lot of sex!

If you disagree with this statement consider the fact that so many couples are unable to conceive and many have to try for years to get pregnant, but Catholics have huge families!

The only possible conclusion…they’re at it all the time, catholic parents just can’t wait to get into the sack and make some more catholics, and rightly so as less and less people are going to church these days because it’s really boring and it splits up the day!

More catholics means more money in the collection plate and bingo, that’s the church roof fixed!

However, just because you don’t wear a condom, it doesn’t mean you’re horny all the time and that’s where women priests would be able to help in a way that their male counterparts have never been able to.

The debate about women priests rumbles on but now it seems they have an ace up their sleeve.

Concecrated Lingerie!

Bless my sainted trousers, that’s the answer.

By turning sunday prayer into a protracted burlesque show you would not only get the congregation fired up for an afternoon of wild passion, the net effect would be a doubling of the congregation overnight!

Shit, we’d be there in a flash!

Sex sells, and the good work of The Lord costs money, it’s a no-brainer!

Exponents of this scheme point out that there is no passage in the bible suggesting that scantily clad priestesses are not allowed to spread the word of God.

Those opposed to sexing up the church also point out that ‘Thou shalt not smoke Crack’ is not one of the ten commandments but that doesn’t make it right!

Ask yourself this…if church was sexy, would you go?

Of course you would!

via Women Priests to give Catholics the Horn!.

via Women Priests to give Catholics the Horn!.

Scientists Find Atom That Looks Like Jesus  


KENTUCKY – USA – Scientists at the Fry University of Kentucky have come up with an incredible discovery that may revolutionise how we visualise some atoms.

“We’re calling this thing the Jesus atom. I know that’s not very imaginative, but by heck it looks like the Lord Jesus is looking right out at you. When we saw this with the electron microscope we just got down on our knees and started praying right there. This is proof that God is real and even science cannot escape that fact,” Rod Elridge, one of the scientists on the project told local Kentucky news.

Already across America, Christian evangelists and Republican politicians have picked up on the new find.

“This is proof right there that Jesus is our Lord and saviour. By the gospel of Jesus, by the word of God, by the holy light of Christ, I want to say to you all that we have found the true God particle. Send your donations in right now we need to do more Jesus scientific research in the name of the Lord. Five dollars is good, ten dollars is better, but fifty and above and you will see the light of heaven in your soul and buy me a new Ferrari in the name of Jesus. God bless Jesus, we have found you in science. They can no longer tell us that you never existed or that science disproves religion,” Pastor Gerald Pedopumper, from the Johnsons Jesus Baptist church in Pepper Lake City, Nashville told WKNJS radio Wednesday.

The scientists at Fry University of Kentucky used a microscope that incorporates new aberration-correction technology that focuses a beam of electrons on a spot smaller than a single atom — more sharply and with greater intensity than previously possible. This allows information previously hidden in the background, or “noise,” to be seen. It also provides up to a hundredfold increase in imaging speed.

The new Jesus atom is however quite an unstable atom and scientists were weary about maybe splitting one.

“If we split a Jesus atom, we could open up the window to heaven or hell. I don’t think we want to take that chance. Especially not so close to Christmas time,” Mr Elridge said.

via Scientists Find Atom That Looks Like Jesus �.

via Scientists Find Atom That Looks Like Jesus  .

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