The restaurants are called ‘Giraffe’ because the food is mainly ‘giraffe’
The company announced that it was now close to perfecting the experience of shopping for mystery animal parts in a windowless hangar staffed by polyester-clad accidents.
Tescologist Wayne Hayes said: “Now you can sit in a Giraffe watching somebody’s drooling ratbag smear ketchup into your coat while your ice cream melts in the boot of your car.
“Notify Dante, because we just laid the concrete for hell’s basement.”
He added: “Foreigners stroll around local markets before enjoying a tasty meal in a family-run restaurant and now we can have the same experience on a grey industrial estate where you can exchange your vouchers for some pretend happiness.”
Until yesterday Sainsburys was the champion of retail misery by making people think of Jamie Oliver dribbling over their food every time they shopped as well as describing a mass-produced cottage pie like it was a new indie band.
But they were challenged strongly when Morrison’s paid Ant and Dec to prance around Britain pretending to talk to ruddy-faced suppliers while skilfully avoiding abattoirs and Eastern Europeans bent double over a beetroot field.
Hayes said: “You did it Tesco, you magnificent son of a bitch.”
Supermarkets today wield unprecedented power on a global scale. From Bangladesh to South Africa, supermarkets dictate the terms at which overseas producers are forced to sell their goods. With threats to find new suppliers, they force prices down around the world
But the workers who produce those goods – from fruit and vegetables to flowers, wine, cheap clothes and tea – feel their devastating impact every day. Working in factories or on plantations, they face long hours, terrible working conditions and little or no trade union rights. Despite working 80 hours a week, many workers are not able to earn a living wage.
The big four supermarkets – ASDA, Morrisons, Tesco and Sainsbury’s – control 75% of the grocery market in the UK and aim to keep their prices low and their profits high. They use their enormous size and influence to put their suppliers under immense pressure to produce goods as cheaply as possible. As well as squeezing their suppliers on price, they dictate terms and agreements, like forcing them to take on costs for discounts and promotions. These pressures then get passed on to the people who grow, pick and pack our food in low wages, long hours and poor working conditions.
To tackle supermarket power War on Want has campaigned for many years for the government to introduce a supermarket watchdog to stop supermarkets bullying their suppliers. After years of successful campaigning the government has now agreed to put forward proposals, and we are now pushing hard to make sure that it has the powers it needs to be effective.
As well as bullying their suppliers, supermarkets are continuing their push to dominate the UK market through opening more and more high street stores. War on Want is proud to be part of the Tescopoly alliance that campaigns against the negative impacts of supermarket power on workers’ rights, local businesses, communities and the environment and supports local campaigns against new supermarket developments.