LOS ANGELES – USA – A new nicotine cigarette drink is taking the world by storm because there is no smoke, it is safe to drink in public and it is cheaper than buying real cigarettes.
“This is an amazing innovation that will revolutionise the tobacco industry. You do not need to smoke a cigarette now, spill ash all over the place, get ciggy breath or be told to put it out in public. People can now enjoy our cigarettes anywhere, even in aeroplanes, court houses, schools, cafes, restaurants, gyms, wherever you want,” Dan Bottnik, brand marketing manager for the Philip Morris tobacco company told CNN Tuesday.
The main benefits of course will be for the health of smokers worldwide where coughing up a lung will now be a thing of the past.
“We decided that Beijing, China was the best place to introduce our product to the world because people here are such prolific smokers. Soon we will have menthol and Marlboro red pack drinks too,” the brand spokesman added.
Hollywood star, Charlie Sheen was said to be so enamoured by the new cigarette drinks that he said he wants a drip permanently in his arm filtering the drink into his veins. He will also be the face of the new Marlboro drinks in a multi million dollar sponsorship deal.
No more ash trays, butts or tobacco breath, this is a product made in heaven for smokers all over the world.
During his teenage years, Eric Russell was a tall and naturally broad promising rugby player. After the death of his grandmother and marital problems between his parents, Russell lost interest in sports and had spells of depression. He began to comfort eat. After he completed school, his career as a plumber was successful for a couple of years. When the business fell on hard times he began to drink heavily and binge eat and he became reclusive and depressed.
He told the Irish Independent, “Last Christmas I got very depressed and two days before New Year’s I decided I was going to commit suicide. I had the rope around my neck when I said to myself ‘Either kill yourself now or do something about this.’ So I took the rope off and decided to change.”
He started slowly by walking and giving up alcohol just before St. Patrick’s Day. He said, “When I raised my glass and said this is my last pint, the people round me in the pub laughed.”
Russell is still alcohol free eight months since his decision. With encouragement from his brother, he then joined a gym and started training. In June he decided to run the Dublin City Marathon and has been working with personal trainer Kane Kearns in RAW gym to prepare for it. Russell has also combated his depression; he is taking a six week course with Aware and has a strong Christian faith.
“I started to believe in myself. I kept track of what I ate and began to lose more weight. I began to get compliments about how I looked.”
Russell is running in the Dublin City Marathon to support the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, an organization which provides information, support, and counselling for men and women whose lives have been affected by sexual violence. Last year the organization helped 12,000 people. He has raised 170 euros towards his target of 1,000 euros.
Russell plans to keep making changes after the Dublin Marathon. Next summer he hopes to participate in the 2,000km Camino de Santiago Walk through France and Spain. He hopes to reach his target weight of 252 pounds. He says, “After conquering my demons I feel like this is my time to shine.”
Countries around the world have begun bombing each other in the run up to Christmas.
‘I think it gets earlier every year,’ says Mandy Batchelor, a 22-year old physicist from Cheshire. ‘I remember when you used to get the odd massacre in the week before the holidays, and that would escalate into the New Year, but now there are countries launching retaliatory airstrikes in September. And I’m sure the arms sales start earlier every year. It’s crazy.’
The switching off of the lights, and the cowering in bunkers, which normally takes place at this time of year is expected to reach unprecedented levels thanks to the global economic meltdown and a general rise in human unpleasantness.
For some, the idea of nations escalating violence towards other countries, or their own people, during the festive season is under threat as more non-Christian countries adopt the tradition.
Professional wine taster Linda Sachet is amongst those who see a darker side to the Christmas season. She says, ‘I usually only manage about 30 seconds of the news before the sheer unrelenting misery of it all makes me switch over to “Fred Claus” on Channel 5; that’s how bad things have become. No-one should have to make those sort of choices at Christmas.’
Stanley Goodwin, a retired toe specialist from Buxton, adds: ‘I don’t think other countries get Christmas the way we do. I mean, I remember when having a war at Christmas meant leaving off the mustard gas for twenty minutes to have a quick kick-about in no-man’s land. Now, it’s non-stop. It’s too commercialised these days, the arms dealers are ruining it.’
However, some people feel that Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a dash of global genocide.
Self-confessed estate agent Ali Bishop says, ‘Even if I’ve got the tree up, opened a Panettone and bought the�Radio Times, for me it never really feels like Christmas until some country’s begun shelling its neighbours.’
Meanwhile, Buckingham Palace admits the Queen, who is preparing her annual Christmas address to the nation, is struggling to come up with something that isn’t a ‘complete downer’.
‘Conflicts and civil unrest in North Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Eastern Europe, Southern Europe, take your pick,’ says a Palace source. ‘It’s a struggle to fit them all in. She’s pretty much decided to leave all the miserable stuff to the Pope and just cheer everyone up by recounting how she got to meet Daniel Craig and jump out of a plane.’
with a nod to �Dick Everyman