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Irish Woman Has Talking Vagina


Believe it or not, a woman from County Waterford in Southern Ireland has stunned the world by talking through her genitals.

Maeve O’connell 31 discovered her talent after visiting the fabled Blarney Stone which legend says will grant the gift of speech to anyone who kisses it.

Before the visit she suffered from a terrible stutter and other speech impediments and the visit was to be her last chance of a normal life.

However, it rained heavily the night before and when Maeve approached the stone she slipped up and fell from the castle walls.

Fortunately she landed on a group of elderly visitors who broke her fall (at the cost of their own lives) but on the way down it is believed that her vagina gently brushed against the Blarney Stone and was therefore granted the gift of speech.

According to the local TV station, who did a one hour special on Mrs O’connell’s unusual talent, she still has the stutter but can speak clearly and fluently from the other end.

A book deal is believed to be in the pipeline together with a string of  TV appearances and she has even been invited to sing for the queen during her forthcoming visit to the Emerald Isle.

In preparation for the big day it is understood that she has been spending time with a local gymnastic coach who is teaching her to walk on her hands.

The Irish Tourist board are also believed to be selling tickets to anyone who’d like to kiss it.

via Blarney Punani: Irish Woman Has Talking Vagina | The Haddock Funny news, Parody spoof news satire & satirical newspaper.

via Blarney Punani: Irish Woman Has Talking Vagina | The Haddock Funny news, Parody spoof news satire & satirical newspaper.

BP CEO: ‘We Deeply Regret The Tragic Loss Of $4.5 Billion’


LONDON—After his company agreed to plead guilty to 14 criminal charges in connection with the Deep Horizon accident and oil spill, BP chief executive Bob Dudley released an official statement Thursday expressing his “profound and heartfelt remorse” over the loss of $4.5 billion in fines. “All of us at BP deeply regret any negligence on our part that may have led to this tragic oil spill and the tremendous damage it has inflicted upon our profitability,” Dudley said of the disaster that may eventually cost his company more than $40 billion in settlements and penalties. “We never intended to upset the incredibly delicate balance of our finances, and efforts to restore the billions of dollars lost in this unspeakable catastrophe will continue until we ensure ensure just compensation for every last shareholder.” Reached for further comment, Dudley told reporters that while he feels “tremendous sorrow over losing $4.5 billion,” he’s just thankful it only amounts to 1 percent of the company’s gross revenue for 2011.

via BP CEO: ‘We Deeply Regret The Tragic Loss Of $4.5 Billion’ | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

via BP CEO: ‘We Deeply Regret The Tragic Loss Of $4.5 Billion’ | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

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