WASHINGTON, D.C. – The CIA has reported that its Electronic Logistical System (ELS) has just intercepted a personal email message that was sent from the Taliban headquarters to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.
An unnamed source stated that the message was written by high-ranking Taliban Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad, 47, and was reportedly sent from a camel lot office located in downtown Karachi, Pakistan.
Taliban Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad’s favorite camel, whom he named “Cigarette.”
The email message which was very explicit was mailed at 2:05 a.m. Eastern Standard Time:
Hey Fat Boy – Either fire the damn, friggin missile or else shut the hell up!
Deputy General Shakur Doodah Hashimabad – The Taliban
2939 Camel Toe Road
Reports are that when Kim Jong Un read the email message he was so mad that his horrendously looking hairdo reportedly stood up on end scaring the daylights out of his gorgeously svelte personal secretary identified as Chin Ho Bong, 22.
An inside source who is very close to the North Korean leader informed Political Salad Bar Magazine that Kim Jong Un has ordered his top general to point one of his missiles directly at 2939 Camel Toe Road in Karachi.
RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—Experts familiar with the ancient prophecies warned Tuesday that by exhuming the remains of former leader Yasser Arafat, Palestinian officials had unleashed a horrible curse upon the Middle East, dooming the region to now begin centuries of bloody conflict. “Fools, all of you! In return for your transgression, a violent era of intractable disputes shall descend upon this land from Libya to Pakistan!” said Tshilaba, a wizened mystic and scholar who explained the punishment “had been foretold since the dawn of civilization.” “It is written in the scrolls of the ancients that, should the leader’s tomb be disturbed, generations of Middle Eastern peoples will then have to face strife, blood feuds, and the senseless slaughter of innocents, as neighbor turns against neighbor and brother against brother. Kingdoms will fall, entire cities will be reduced to rubble! All this and worse shall come to pass.” The curse is also expected to “bring to ruin” relations between Arabs and Israelis in the region.