Maeve O’connell 31 discovered her talent after visiting the fabled Blarney Stone which legend says will grant the gift of speech to anyone who kisses it.
Before the visit she suffered from a terrible stutter and other speech impediments and the visit was to be her last chance of a normal life.
However, it rained heavily the night before and when Maeve approached the stone she slipped up and fell from the castle walls.
Fortunately she landed on a group of elderly visitors who broke her fall (at the cost of their own lives) but on the way down it is believed that her vagina gently brushed against the Blarney Stone and was therefore granted the gift of speech.
According to the local TV station, who did a one hour special on Mrs O’connell’s unusual talent, she still has the stutter but can speak clearly and fluently from the other end.
A book deal is believed to be in the pipeline together with a string of TV appearances and she has even been invited to sing for the queen during her forthcoming visit to the Emerald Isle.
In preparation for the big day it is understood that she has been spending time with a local gymnastic coach who is teaching her to walk on her hands.
The Irish Tourist board are also believed to be selling tickets to anyone who’d like to kiss it.
A radical new solution to global warming has been suggested by scientists working at the University of Sevenoaks.
The idea is to pump thousands of gallons of factor fifty sun block into the upper atmosphere thus protecting the planet from sunburn.
Various governments are considering the idea and what it might cost to implement, but in theory they think it is a very clever idea.
Critics of the plan have argued that Planet Earth may develop a golden brown tan which may lead to racial unrest among the other planets, but this is difficult to prove.
It is estimated that if waterproof sunblock is used it should last about fifty years, by which time we’ll hopefully have lots of new gadgets to sort the problem out with.
The only side effect predicted by the Sevenoaks team is that the world’s atmosphere might take on a pleasant coconut odour which may upset sufferers of nut allergies.
Green campaigners who complain about the use of smashed baby orangutan baby brains in the manufacture of sunblock have promised to disrupt any attempts to implement the issue.