Blog Archives
Pictorial Religious themes 16- The Bible
The Bible
It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.
– Letters from the Earth– Mark Twain
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice changes…The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession- and take the credit of the correction. During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. the Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after eight hundred years, gathered up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood.
Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry…..There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.
– “Bible Teaching and Religious Practice,” Europe and Elsewhere- Mark Twain
Men and women — even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.
– Notebook, 1904- Mark Twain
Pictorial Religious themes 10 – Christian Fiction
The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice changes…The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession- and take the credit of the correction. During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. the Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after eight hundred years, gathered up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood.
Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry…..There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain.
– “Bible Teaching and Religious Practice,” Europe and Elsewhere
Muntox Anti-Ugly Pill Hits the Streets
A pill which, according to its manufacturer, makes ugly people attractive is about to hit a pharmacy near you in the next few weeks.
Muntox, a compound developed in Germany (where demand is high), is different to most medicines in that the sufferer doesn’t take it at all.
The theory goes that you strike up a relationship with someone over the internet or via some sort of non visual correspondence and when it’s clear that you’re ideally suited you send them a box of Muntox which is chocolate coated and very tastefully decorated.
The drug is so powerful that you will find even the most twisted minger irresistibly attractive and coupled with your personality match the result can only be love.
It’s like a sort of permanent visual rohypnol!
Opponents to the sale of this drug include attractive people who say that such a pill would nullify their natural talents and make them just as ordinary as the next person.
“It flies in the face of nature,” said Odin Zane, a male model and all round bore. “I get laid every day because my fantastic looks more than make up for my personality, irreparably damaged after years of personal narcissism and worship by members of the opposite sex.”
Others say that the pill could be abused but the makers were quick to dispel this idea.
“Nobody likes to admit they fancy a Minger!” Said Dr Fenkel of Muntox Inc. “But this attitude is so superficial. Mingers have been lonely and sad for most of their lives and as such are lunatics in the sack! It’s a win win situation for everyone!”
Muntox will be available from next week in most high street pharmacies but it comes with a warning “Do not give to children, pets or people who above an 8/10.”
The Muntox team are keeping quiet about what happened when they gave Muntox to a really fit woman but the rumour is that they have locked her in the cellar and spend quite a bit of time down there talking to her.
