The UN has called on the Vatican to hand over details in the cases of tens of thousands of children allegedly abused by clergy.
The list, published on the committee’s website earlier this week, calls on the Vatican to give “detailed information” on cases of alleged abuse “committed by members of the clergy, brothers and nuns”.
The committee said it wanted to know what measures the Church has put in place to ensure clergy members accused of sexual abuse were cut off from contact with children.
It has also asked what support has been given to victims of sexual abuse by the Holy See.
Moreover, the UN has requested details where kids “were silenced in order to minimise the risk of public disclosure” and what measures the Vatican has taken to prevent further abuse.
The UN has long raised concerns about the ongoing paedophile priest scandal, but the committee’s list represents its most far-reaching request for information about the cases.
Pope Francis has vowed to “act with determination in cases of sexual abuse”.
His predecessor Benedict XVI was the first pontiff to apologise to victims.
However, campaigners have argued that Vatican words outstrip action when it comes to tackling the widespread problem of abuse and subsequent cover-ups.
The list also includes questions about other issues, including its labelling of kids born outside wedlock as “illegitimate”.
Vatican Scandal: First Money, Now Sex. Only Five Sins left!
The ongoing Vatican Scandal (now Scandals) is probably causing Pope Francis to wonder whether getting the job was such a great idea. Of course, scandal in the Catholic Church is nothing new. His predecessors had more than their fair share, so he is …
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Vatican Bank Managers Resign Amid Broadening Financial Scandal
The director and deputy director of the Vatican bank resigned yesterday as a series of investigations lead to a renewal of the Church’s financial structures. Paolo Cipriani and his deputy Massimo Tulli stepped down “in the best interest of the …
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Vatican sex abuse scandal: Priests paid to leave
Christian Science Monitor
Newly released documents show the cardinal of the Archdiocese of New York, in his former job, repeatedly warned the Vatican office responsible for handling clergy sex abuse of the potential forscandal in Milwaukee and urged it to defrock abusive priests.
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|Two Vatican Bank Officials Resign Amid Latest Wave of Scandals
The Atlantic Wire
Von Freyberg became the IRW’s president in February, as one of the last acts of the now emeritus Pope Benedict XVII before he left his post. He’s a German lawyer and a member of the Knights of Malta, and Benedict tapped him for the job with the hope …
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|Heads of Vatican Bank resign following recent scandals
According to the Vatican’s official statement, the IOR’s director Paolo Cipriani and deputy director Massimo Tulli, both laymen, tendered their resignation ‘in the best interest of the Institute and the Holy See.’ German businessman Ernst von Freyberg …
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Catholics everywhere were flabbergasted when, merely days after celebrating his 85th birthday, Pope Benedict XVI issued a formal statement acknowledging that God probably does not exist. Nevertheless, the Pope assured believers worldwide that they were not without a place to turn for spiritual sustenance. Specifically, he urged every practicing Catholic to get an “imaginary God friend,” which he emphasized will serve virtually the same purpose of what they had previously thought of as a real God.
Since the Pope’s statement, the Vatican has, predictably, been flooded with questions and comments from clergymen, parishioners and even lapsed Catholics who still consider themselves believers. Many chastised the Pope for imposing his own doubts upon devout Catholics.
In a follow-up statement, the Pope stated that his acknowledgement that God probably does not exist is not properly categorized as a “doubt.”
As he explained, “A doubt is thinking that even though the sun has come up every morning of every day in the history of humanity, maybe, for some reason, it won’t rise tomorrow. I don’t have that kind of doubt about God. The God façade is a sham, with no evidence whatsoever to back it up. I couldn’t continue to take part in upholding it. I’ve been living a lie.”
The Pope equated his announcement with the children’s fairy tale in which an innocent but perceptive little boy points out that the naked emperor has no clothes. He emphasized, however, that despite the revolutionary nature of his atheistic message, not much really needed to change for Catholics on a practical, day-to-day level.
“Catholics can talk to and even pray to their imaginary God friend. For me, creating a personal imaginary friend, whom I call God, has been a great source of comfort,” he elaborated. “In fact, my imaginary God friend is just as effective, perhaps even more so, than the ‘God’ I used to believe was real. It’s very common for children to have imaginary friends. Now adult Catholics can have them as well.”
It remains to be seen the effect that the Pope’s statement will have on the unity and vibrancy of the Catholic Church. However, religious leaders of other faiths were delighted at the Pope’s message, anticipating a likely boon to their own religions.
“This is terrific for us,” said Rabbi David Golinkin, head of the Schechter Institute for Jewish Studies. “The Catholic Church was always one-upping the Jewish faith by offering people God plus Jesus. But now we have something they don’t: a real God. People can’t but respond to that. I think we’ll get a lot of new recruits.”
For a man who seeks to imitate a noble personage, he could play worse than a Pope.
In Rome, however, it is a predilection fraught with potential problems.
For the past several weeks, according to Britain’s Telegraph, the papal lookalike, dressed in a white cassock and decorated with a skull cap and a crucifix on a necklace, has been entertaining tourists near the Via dei Fori Imperiali, the broad avenue that leads up to the Colosseum and a lucrative spot for attracting passers-by. … Some would drop a few euro coins into his silver tray.
“John Paul was a great Pope. Lots of people ask to have their photograph taken with me,” he told the paper, as he sat on a chair and smiled broadly as he held a Bible.
Police who detained him told him he will be hit with a fine of between about $200 to more than $1,200, depending on a court’s decision.
“The problem was that he looked a lot like Karol Wojtyla. He was detained for usurpation of title which is a misdemeanour,” a police spokeswoman told AFP.
“The cassock he was wearing has been confiscated,” she said, adding that the action had been taken after an anonymous complaint.
The Slovak was one of several buskers and street artists who try their luck along the street, from bands of Peruvian pipers to fake centurions and legionaries and performers who stand stock still dressed as the Statue of Liberty.
“If he had been dressed like Tutankhamen nothing would have happened,” another police officer said.
Local media had joked that the fake Pope had brought the number of pontiffs in Rome to three, along with Pope Francis and his predecessor Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, who is living out his retirement in a former convent in the Vatican.
via Clerical Whispers.
via Clerical Whispers.
Mea Maxima Culpa Silence in the House
An unholy coincidence? Pope Benedict‘s once-in-600-year ‘abdication’ is highly suspicious in context to the timing of the ‘Mea Maxima Culpa’ doc release. Alex Gibney took some 4 years in researching this well crafted and informative film, which exposes an endemic, global,
cover-up of deviant Catholic priests, Bishops, Cardinals and Popes:
primarily on one prolific paedophile priest who operates a reign of terror at a
school for deaf children in the US, then widens the story out to expose the
Catholic church’s complicity on a jaw-dropping scale.As a top Cardinal at the time, Ratzinger took ‘ownership’ of the
hundreds/thousands of abuses reported – and locked them deep within the Vatican
archives. A gobsmacking expose by the award-winning doc maker (Enron,
Taxi to the Dark Side, among others), which merits a very public spotlight.
I urge believers and non-believers alike to get to a screening and spread a ‘call to action’, before he takes cover (tho’ if one was to be generous, it m
“Even on a good day, I get discouraged thinking about the election of a new pope,” laments Maureen Fiedler, a nun and blogger at the progressive Catholic newspaper National Catholic Reporter. “They all look like a Vatican version of the tea party movement.”
On Tuesday, three weeks after Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation on February 28, the world’s cardinals will begin their conclave to choose a new pope. The past few decades have been rough ones for a church struggling with the widespread sex abuse scandal and an ever-worsening shortage of clergy. But with 1.16 billion members worldwide, the church is still massive—and it’s actually in a perfect position to help save the planet, should it choose to do so.
The flock is increasingly centered in the developing world, where people are most likely to bear the brunt of environmental destruction and climate change. The church has a strong tradition of social-justice work, including the United States’ Catholic Worker movement and Latin America’s liberation theology. Indeed, National Catholic Reporter notes that even the notoriously socially conservative Benedict XVI famously delivered a World Day of Peace speech called “If You Want to Cultivate Peace, Protect Creation,” and named pollution among the world’s “social sins.”
So will Benedict’s successor keep up the ecocrusading? Fiedler is right that on social issues like birth control, gay rights, and celibacy among priests, the papabili—or likely contenders—are predictably conservative. Nevertheless, some have spoken out on climate change, conservation, and other hot topics. Here’s my extremely unscientific look at a few of the most environmentally aware:
Cardinal Peter Turkson, Ghana: Turkson is probably the most controversial of all the papal candidates. In 2011, he really riled anti-UN types by calling for a “true world political authority.” Then, during a meeting of bishops at the Vatican last year, he showed a ridiculous video warning about the spread of Islam in Europe. Most recently, when asked about the sex abuse crisis in the Catholic Church, he told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour:
“African traditional systems kind of protect or have protected its population against this tendency,” he said. Because in several communities, in several cultures in Africa, homosexuality or for that matter any affair between two sexes of the same kind are not countenanced in our society.”
So, yikes. Nevertheless, in the past few years Turkson has often expressed interest in protecting the planet. Here he is talking about environmental stewardship in 2012: ( SEE BELOW)
viIn this 2010 interview with U.S. Catholic magazine, Turkson talked about how surface mining devastates Ghanaian ecosystems, and why Americans should care. In a 2011 address during a visit to Wasnhington, DC, he emphasized that protecting the environment can help the poor:
…despite the naysayers, economic resources exist that could help wipe the tears from the eyes of those who suffer injustice, who lack the basics of a dignified life, and who are in danger from any deterioration in the climate. The poor do benefit from champions in solidarity who believe that injustice can be reduced, that harmonious relationships can be fostered, that our planetary ecology can be made sustainable, that a world of greater communion is possible.
Cardinal Angelo Scola, Italy: In a recent speech to twentysomethings in Italy, Scola showed hipster cred of sorts by quoting Jack Kerouac and Cormac McCarthy. In his 2005 book The Nuptial Mystery, however, he alienated both feminists and the gay community by arguing, as the liberal Catholic magazine Commonweal put it, “that feminism is responsible for homosexuality, because the more women act like men, the more men are likely to want to have sex with other men.” Right. For those of you who still care what he has to say about the environment after that doozy, consider his elegantly stated thoughts in a 2010 article called “Protecting Nature or Saving Creation?”:
The way for the urgent, collaborative convergence between ecology and theology is to continue the logic of creation with love. This logic is scientific, religious and political all in one. And consequently it is the logic of justice and of the complete development of humanity.
Cardinal Odilo Pedro Scherer, Brazil: Like many of the other candidates, Scherer is extremely conservative on issues you’d expect; for example, he has vociferously opposed abortion and gay marriage, the AP reports. But he’s also been a champion of the poor and outspoken on deforestation, writes National Catholic Reporter’s John L. Allen Jr.:
Scherer has also embraced the strong environmental concerns of the Brazilian bishops, especially with regard to the Amazon. In 2004, he called on the Brazilian government to strictly control the expansion of farmland in the Amazon, “so that measures are no longer taken after the problem is already there, after the forest is felled and burned.”
Cardinal Óscar Andrés Rodríguez Maradiaga, Honduras: If I were electing the pope, Rodríguez would probably get my vote. This guy doesn’t just pay lip service to environmental stewardship. As the president of Caritas Internationalis, the Catholic Church’s social-justice NGO, Rodríguez has spoken out strongly on climate change, calling it a “faith issue.” Last year Rodríguez’s team advocated for a legally binding treaty that would force world nations to reduce carbon emissions.
Rodríguez is progressive in other ways; he once said that “neoliberal capitalism carries injustice and inequality in its genetic code.” He has also advocated immigration reform in the United States. Rodríguez is not without controversy, however. Here’s National Catholic Reporter on a particularly low point:
In 2002, Rodriguez set off a tempest in the United States by comparing media criticism of the Catholic Church in light of the sex abuse scandals to persecutions under the Roman emperors Nero and Diocletian, as well as Hitler and Stalin. He suggested that the American media was trying to distract attention from the Israel/Palestinian conflict, hinting that it reflected the influence of the Jewish lobby.
Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle, the Philippines: At 55, Tagle is probably the youngest of the candidates. He’s also one of the more progressive (though not as much as Rodríguez). Tagle is known for his work with the poor, and he recently supported an anti-development protest in an eastern coastal region of the Philippines. And then, there’s this tidbit from the AP:
Even as a bishop, Tagle did not own a car. He took the bus or “jeepney,” the popular working-class minibus, to church and elsewhere.
On the other hand, Tagle has strongly opposed the use of birth control among Catholics, as have almost all of the other candidates. One could argue—and Julia Whitty does a great job of it in this Mother Jones piece—that the best gift that a pope could give to the poor and the environment would be to allow Catholics to use birth control. But even though the Vatican once almost took that route, there’s little support for it among today’s cardinals. That’s too bad, considering the views of the faithful, at least in the United States: A recent New York Times and CBS News poll found that 71 percent of American Catholics would prefer a pope who favors modern birth control.
VATICAN CITY (SatireWire.com) — Here are the leading candidates to replace Pope Benedict XVI, arranged in random order, unless you don’t believe in random, in which case the first guy is the next pope. Obviously.
COUNTRY – Ghana
CURRENT JOB — President of the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace
PROS – Would be first black African pope; could finally have first cool pope name (T. Pope X?); racist Italian soccer fans will at least have to end offensive chants with, “…with the exception of His Holiness the Pope.”
CONS – Donald Trump will demand to see his ordination certificate.
CHANCES – World not ready as neither Danny Glover nor Morgan Freeman has paved the way by playing a black Pope in a movie.
CARDINAL Marc Ouellet, 68
COUNTRY – Canada
CURRENT JOB — Prefect of the Congregation for Bishops.
PROS — Although Canadian, U.S. natural gas companies would refer to him as the “North American Pope.”; would also be our “politest” pope.
CONS — Born in La Motte, Quebec, Ouellet would come from the coldest climate of any Pope in history; supplicants’ lips may get stuck while kissing papal ring.
CHANCES: Slim. Canadians not strongly religious; most only believe in God because they worry it’s rude not to.
CARDINAL Oscar Rodriguez Maradiaga, 70
COUNTRY – Honduras
CURRENT JOB — Archbishop of Tegucigalpa
PROS – Has openly criticized Ricky Martin, doesn’t matter for what; past anti-Semitic remarks will make for smooth transition from current Hitler Youth pope; although from Honduras, U.S. natural gas companies would refer to him as the “Central and North American Pope.”
CONS – When he visits U.S., Congressional leaders will give him gardening tools and tell him to “get to work” out of habit.
CHANCES: Probably not. At 70, he is much too young to be pope.
CARDINAL Angelo Scola, 71
COUNTRY – Italy
CURRENT JOB — Archbishop of Milan.
PROS – Locally grown pope would have smaller carbon footprint; being Italian, would better understand corruption.
CONS – and perfect it.
CHANCES – Scola tics every box: he’s old, Italian, and has strongly denounced contraception, feminism and homosexuality. If cardinals wore panties they’d be throwing them at him.
CARDINAL Timothy Dolan, 63
COUNTRY – U.S.
CURRENT JOB — Archbishop of New York
PROS – Face already papal red; after two hurricanes and a blizzard in last 18 months, best chance New York has of convincing God to give it a rest.
CONS – Born in Missouri, the “Show Me” state; “Show Me” not usually something you want to hear from a priest.
CHANCES: None. The Vatican thinks a pope from a “superpower” is too threatening, especially since popes wear a missile silo on their heads.
CARDINAL Odilo Pedro Scherer, 63
COUNTRY – Brazil
CURRENT JOB — Archbishop of São Paulo
PROS — With a Brazilian, could be first pope to look decent in a bikini.
CONS – Rumor that he only wants to become pope to lose the name ‘Odilo.’
CHANCES – Scherer’s Facebook fan page only has 10 “Likes.” Cardinal Dolan’s Facebook fan page has 21,374 Likes. You do the math.
Schonborn (L) and Hurt (R). Or the other way around.
CARDINAL Christoph Schonborn, 67, or actor William Hurt, 62
COUNTRY – Austria or Washington, D.C.
CURRENT JOB — Schonborn is Archbishop of Vienna while William Hurt has signed up for the TV Series “Bonnie and Clyde” on Lifetime.
PROS – Would help heal the schism between the Church and Hollywood.
CONS – Schonborn was once accused of covering up abuse; Hurt starred in the movie “Lost in Space,” which is almost as bad.
CHANCES – Depends on how many in the College of Cardinals saw “Lost in Space.”
CARDINAL Luis Antonio Tagle, 55
COUNTRY – Philippines
CURRENT JOB – The “diminutive” Archbishop of Manila.
PROS – Little fella would be the youngest pope in more than 200 years.
CONS – Having Dwarf pope may damage tenuous Catholic-Elf relations.
CHANCES – His Facebook fan page has 116,000 Likes. We may have a winner!
via PAPAL FRONTRUNNERS EXPOSED (not like that) | SatireWire | dot.com.edy.
“Today, Pope Benedict surprised everyone and announced that he is stepping down at the end of the month. Or as God put it, ‘Well, at least he gave me two weeks’ notice.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“The Pope said that at age 85 he cannot physically go on. Meanwhile, Hugh Hefner is going to be 87 and he just married a 26-year-old. So much for that celibate lifestyle!” –Jay Leno “Pope Benedict announced he’s retiring. This is a pretty dramatic change. It means he will go from wearing a robe all day to wearing a robe all day.” –Conan O’Brien
“The Pope announced he is resigning. He doesn’t feel he is strong enough to continue with his papal duties. What will he do for work now? He could be the most overqualified Walmart greeter of all time.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Pope Benedict is quitting. That’s a tall hat to fill.” –David Letterman
“The Pope had a press conference today. He said he just wants to spend more time with his wife and kids.” –David Letterman
“The Pope said he just doesn’t have the energy to be Pope anymore. He tried the deer antler spray and it didn’t work.” –David Letterman
“The Pope will be replaced, of course. When one Pope goes, another one popes up in his place.” –Craig Ferguson
“CBS announced today the Pope will be replaced by Ashton Kutcher.” –Craig Ferguson
“Actually, when the voting’s done, the cardinals burn their ballots. People wait outside the Sistine Chapel to see what color the smoke is. If it’s white smoke, they’ve agreed on a Pope. If it’s black smoke, no decision’s been made. If it’s green smoke, Willie Nelson has somehow gotten into the Sistine Chapel.” –Craig Ferguson
“The Pope is now on Twitter. The church is really trying to connect with young people — in a way that doesn’t involve hush money.” –David Letterman
“The Pope praised Facebook but said it is no substitute for human interaction. Then the Pope reminded everyone that human interaction is a sin.” –Conan O’Brien
“When the Pope met the Queen of England, they both said the same thing to each other: ‘Nice hat.'” –Jay Leno
“In a statement released this week, Pope Benedict said that he has forgiven the Beatles for John Lennon’s claim that they were bigger than Jesus and for their Rock & Roll excesses – in the clearest sign yet that the Vatican is working from the bottom of the complaint box.” –Seth Meyers
“In a new book, the Pope exonerates the Jews for the death of Jesus. Well, not a moment too soon. He really nipped that one in the bud.” –Jay Leno
“The Pope said in an interview recently that the use of condoms is acceptable under certain circumstances. For instance, if you’re dating someone from the cast of ‘Jersey Shore.'” –Jay Leno “It’s exciting to be here now because you know what’s going to happen? The pope is coming to New York City. Can you feel the excitement? He arrived earlier today in Washington, D.C. Of course, he flew Virgin Atlantic.” –David Letterman
“But did you hear about this? He’s getting on the flight in Rome, and he was almost not allowed on the aircraft because he tried to bring on more than three ounces of holy water.” –David Letterman
“We also want to wish Pope Benedict a happy birthday. Tomorrow, he’ll be 81 years old. The pontiff, 81 years old. Do you realize in a couple more years, he could be the next Republican nominee?” –Jay Leno
“Pope Benedict is in America! Wooo! He hath done it! Here he is being greeted by President Bush, the leaders of the two most powerful theocracies in the world. I personally have trouble telling them apart. They’re both infallible. They both did some things when they were younger that they wish people would forget. One was a cheerleader, the other Nazi youth. It’s a fine line.” –Stephen Colbert
“The pope 81 years old, and he’s going to be saying a mass at Nationals Stadium in Washington Thursday, and then on Sunday, he’ll be saying a mass at Yankee Stadium on Sunday. And I’m worried about that Sunday Mass because the pope will be doing that one on two days’ rest. What a schedule. And right after the mass at Yankee Stadium, the pope goes down to Madison Square Garden and administers the last rites for the Knicks” –David Letterman
“This seemed odd to me. For the pope’s arrival ceremony at the White House tomorrow, they’re going to give him a 21-gun salute. Now, really, isn’t there a better welcome for the Apostle of Peace than a show of firearms? I mean, whose idea was that? Dick Cheney’s?” –Jay Leno
“Actually, one really embarrassing moment, you see this on the news? When the pope blessed the crowd with holy water? Well, some of it splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his skin.” –Jay Leno
“The White House held a big dinner tonight honoring the pope, but the pope chose not to attend. He didn’t attend the dinner. I think President Bush was a little hurt. In fact, he said today, ‘You know, after the trouble we went through to prepare a kosher meal.” –Jay Leno
“Anyway, when the pope arrived at the White House, he was given a 21-gun salute. That’s got to make Barack Obama a little uncomfortable. Guns and religion, you know, that kind of thing. Get a little bitter. I don’t know about that.” –Jay Leno
“And coincidentally, today is the pope’s 81st birthday. Isn’t that remarkable? 81st birthday, yeah. President Bush greeted the pope, and he knew it was his birthday, so he gave him a gift card to Big and Tall Hats.” –David Letterman
“And at the White House, this was great. The pope was greeted by a 21-gun salute, 22 if you count Cheney. Ka-boom!” –David Letterman
“President Obama actually met the pope at the airport. He picked him up. That wasn’t easy, you know, they don’t let you stop at the curb anymore. So, Bush had to keep circling. Bush is driving by, and the pope is trying to flag him down.” –Jay Leno
“It was a huge, huge, big deal. Although I don’t think President Obama is too familiar with the Catholic religion. There was one awkward moment when President Bush kept looking behind the pope going, ‘So, where’s Mrs. Pope?'” –Jay Leno
“The pope will be visiting New York later in the week. He’ll be doing a mass at Yankee Stadium. That’ll be pretty cool. Then, he’s going to spend over 12 hours hearing the sins of the two New York governors.” –Jay Leno
“The Pope will be here tomorrow. You know who’s picking him up at the airport? President Bush. This is true. It’s the first time the President has ever picked up a visiting leader at the airport. See, that’s when you know your presidency is winding down, when you’re picking up people at the airport. And they expect tens of thousands of well-wishers to show up. Tens for Bush and thousands for the Pope.” –Jay Leno
“Are you excited about the pope? He is rich, he is powerful, and guess what, girls, he’s single. He is going to be in New York a couple of days and he is very busy. He will be at Yankee Stadium, saying Mass at the Yankee Stadium. That will be emotional. That will be his last Mass at the old stadium. That’ll be on Sunday. Then on Monday he’ll be performing in an exorcism at ‘The View.’ So he will have his work cut out for him there.” –David Letterman
“Radical Muslims are still angry at the Pope. They say the Pope insulted a whole people and their religion. Then they went back to calling for the destruction of Israel and killing everyone.” –Jay Leno
“There’ve been huge protests in the Muslim world over anti-Muslim comments made by the new Pope, Pope Benedict. Today the Pope apologized, saying he never should have gone drinking with Mel Gibson.” –Jay Leno
“There’s a lot of tension in the world. Over the weekend, Pope Benedict apologized to the Muslims. Altar boys, on the other hand, are still waiting for their apology.” –David Letterman
From humble origins he rose
Q: Why was Pope Benedict XVI not allowed to fly into the United States?
A: He wanted to bring more than 3 oz of holy water with him!
Q: What did the Pope say to the woman who jumped over barricades, tackled the pope, and fell on top of him?
A: “Wait, your not an altar boy!”
Q: What does the Pope say to young boys at communion?
A: You can’t squeal on me with your mouth full, can you!
Q: What can you infer after hearing that Pope Benedict XVI had surgery on his wrist after falling at a Alpine vacation chalet?
A: Altar boys are fighting back!
“The Pope is retiring due to ‘lack of strength’. This must be in reference to how he handled the pedophilia scandal.”…Jim Norton
“Call me crazy, but I think the next Pope should be someone who didn’t help cover up child rape. Tho,that may disqualify every single cardinal.” …Chris Hayes
Q: What new Hollywood film is Pope Benedict XVI promoting while he is in the United States?
A: The 80 Year Old Virgin!
In a press conference held before the heavenly host and selected journalists, God said that he felt Pope Benedict “had got the right idea about this divine rule gig” and that he was “probably going to wrap the whole thing up quite soon”.
Sources close to His Omnipotence say that the prospect of eternity has really being playing on his mind of late. ‘He’s been feeling his age over the last few millennia,’ said one heavenly observer holding a bunch of keys. ‘In fact, he’s never really got over the death of his son.’
Since the death of Jesus, God has taken a much diminished interest in human affairs with many commentators wondering if he is paying any attention at all.