It’s common knowledge that the Catholic church has a rather poor view of gay marriage. But there is hope! Archbishop Oscar Cruz, judicial vicar of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines-National Appellate Matrimonial Tribunal (try saying that three times fast) just announced that it’s totally acceptable for a gay man to marry a lesbian.
There is, apparently, some logic to this. After all, if the purpose of marriage is to create dozens of horrible little children, then a man and woman who are both capable of procreation should, for the progression of the human species, put their child-creating abilities to good use, within the boundaries of marriage set out by the church, of course.
It might be worth pointing out that the original purpose of marriage was mostly to forge tribal alliances, and to establish that any offspring were legitimate, but that would be nitpicking. Besides, it’s not like Christianity is meant to be about love or anything like that, right?
If you’re thinking that this is all well and good for the Philippines, but that over here we’re seemingly much more socially advanced, you might be disappointed to know that at a recent meeting between the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury, it was agreed that marriage should remain something that exists solely between a man and a woman. It’s nice that the Church of England, an institution started because a King was sick of his wife and wanted a younger, hotter one, is taking such a strong stance on this.
So, in summary, according to the Catholic church, it doesn’t matter whether two people are in love, or genuinely want to spend their lives together, so long as one of them has a penis and the other has a vagina. Thanks Catholic Church! How could we possibly know anything about meaningful relationships without your input?
Fr. Anthony Musala
In late March the Catholic Church suspended indefinitely a Ugandan priest, Fr.Anthony Musala, who chose to blow the whistle on widespread sexual abuse of children and other crimes committed by African clergy.
Musaala’s leaked letter to Archbishop Cyprian Lwanga that cited numerous instances of wrongdoings among the Uganda priesthood, including secret wives, children and abuse of minors prompted his suspension. Musala was abused himself by a priest when he was 16yrs old, at a top Ugandan school before he went to England to seminary.
Archbishop Lwanga later confessed that child rape indeed took place and launched an inquiry into the matter. The announcement came amid another scandal that brew up after South African Cardinal Wilfrid Napier of Durban told the media he had dealt with similar abuse cases that were handled internally by the Roman Catholic Church and were never reported to the police.
Africa’s Catholic priests fathering children is an open secret, many local church-goers admit it but talking about it is a taboo. The church has accused Musala of being homosexual to deflect from his criticisms. Homosexuality seems to be a more serious taboo than rape from the tone of the interview.
The following lengthy interview is taken from ‘Morning Breeze’ of NBSTelevision Uganda. One of the interviewers is quite combative but it’s worth bearing with. Musala tells tales of Catholic priests having sex with a young Ugandan relative who was raped by two priests and became pregnant and had to have an abortion. Further stories include tales of priests with many children from different women.
O’Brien, the country’s most senior Catholic, said that although some aspects of the Catholic faith are of ‘divine origin’ and therefore non-negotiable, allowing priests to marry might reduce the likelihood of them bumming kids.
He told reporters, “There’s some things we won’t budge on. Like abortion, euthanasia and the gays.”
“But Jesus didn’t say priests shouldn’t marry, so it should be on the table as an option, right?”
“After all, he didn’t specifically say ‘don’t rape young boys in your care’ either, so there’s clear precedent for basing church policy on things Jesus didn’t say.”
“You know, there comes a time in every man’s life when he becomes intrigued by the whole vagina thing, so maybe we take a cursory look at it?”
Priests could marry
The news that a whole new segment of eligible men could hit the dating market has alerted many single women on the look out for a husband.
“I suppose if push came to shove I could make do with one who hasn’t had any adult sexual partners.”