Dying man couldn’t make up his mind which place to go to — both have their advantages, “heaven for climate, hell for company!”
– Mark Twain‘s Notebooks and Journals, vol. 3
Singing hymns and waving palm branches through all eternity is pretty when you hear about it in the pulpit, but it’s as poor a way to put in valuable time as a body could contrive.
– Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven – Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
– Mark Twain, a Biography