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Johnnie Citizen (Pub banter)


Well, if it isn’t Johnny Citizen. What are you having me boy?

Go on twist me arm, a pint of Plain.

Thanks Sham

Not much twisting in your arm JC

Well, boy how do yous think the current lot is performing?

Sure, be Jaysus are we not still on the road to nowhere.

How would you compare Le Grand Dame to her predecessors?

Well now, let me see Sham.

First, we had.

Charlie “The Governor” Renowned gunrunner, Master of corruption, patronage, and public scandals-Money earned tainted with secrecy and dishonor.

As a man, he struck terror into his subordinates.

He suffered from ill health and a faulty memory when it came to giving evidence at investigating tribunals.

Then along came.

Albert Dancer:

Dancer was the de facto master of cowboy politics and one time right hand man of the Governor until he stabbed him in the back.

Dancer raised $1 million in the USA for party funds of which only e70, 000 found its way to party HQ. His Government plane on this trip made an unscheduled 5-hour stopover in the Bahamas. My understanding is the rest of the money fell off the plane.

You know this Dancer chap has links to many a shady deal

Just like his old boss “The Governor,” “The Dancer” was declared medically unfit to give evidence at investigating Tribunals because of a “significant cognitive impairment”. Which in plain speak is I conveniently forgot.

Listen up sham for now we get to

The Anorak

When elected To-Shocked he issued the following personal statement.

“The public are entitled to have an absolute guarantee of the financial probity and integrity of their elected representatives, their officials and above all of Ministers”

This very same man signed government cheques for his then master the Governor to squander on champagne, mistresses and to preen himself with garments of refinement.

The Anorak whilst a senior government Minister managed to get by without having a bank account despite receiving large amounts of cash.

In a statement, he made concerning undeclared payments of E50, 00 he said, “Lads the money is just “restin”” in me account.

At the time of the receipt of the money, he had no bank account.

One must assume he kept the money under der mattress.

In common with his predecessors, the Anorak has no recollection of receiving monies from patrons. When it came to giving evidence to inquiries, the memory of the Anorak failed to function

Once the Anorak fell out of favor, none other than “The Great Incompetent” Mr. Biffo Buttocks assumed the role of leader..

The Great Incompetent was possibly the worst To-Shocked in the history of Rotten Island. Thankfully, the abode of this bungler is now the rubbish bin of history. People will remember him as the last leader of the circus of lies, cover-ups, and rampant but sociably acceptable corruption.

The man was the master of public calamities…

He was spotted smoking in a no-smoking Zone.

Toilet cartoons of him had been but on display and were known to all and sundry.

However, more troubling was the headline in the Daily Trombone” “Biffo the Boozer” Alcohol looser which highlighted his antics at a party function dressed as a cardinal singing thank heaven for little boys. Subsequently, this story of him being dressed in clerical garments turned out to be untrue. We can assure our readers that Misebogland would never stoop so low to boost readership circulation by printing a story like this.

This man finally brought shame on the nation by bankrupting the country.

His final words on leaving office were, “bugger the economy. Me pension is good, screw the begrudgers; the boys on the dog track will see me back spending the few bob” and I be as happy as Larry.

Now, Johnnie and what about your one Le Grand Dame will she make the grade?

Ah, fuck her Sham let’s have a few more pints and watch the match.

Minister for Agriculture, Food and the Marine


Rotten Island Ministerial Reports

The Minister for Muck and Water Squire Slovenly has noted that the fields of Rotten Island have become full of grass. and as result of this phenomenon he has advised all animals and livestock living in these regions to head for the safety of the towns and villages…he went on to state as long as this emergency lasted these unfortunates would be given immunity from would be poachers and speculators… The punishment for wrongdoing would be severe

He outline penalties as follows,

(1)To be confined to a no smoking zone for 6 months.

(2)A ban from driving for one year provided he/she did not hold a current license, if you held a license the matter of course was subject to monetary negotiation.

(3)People on the dole, would have their money  suspended but in lieu of this, they would receive 50 blank sheets of photographed Anglo Rotten bank, bondholder’s notes plus a Chinese counterfeit lollipop for each of your offspring.

The Minister stated their was a lot of shite attached to this job and that he was nobodys pussycat

Irish Government to urge citizens to pray for Vatican help


The Vatican City is purported to be the richest city in the world.

Many Catholics in Rotten Island now wonder why the Vatican does not dip into its coffers to help the country financially. Bear in mind even during the poorest of times we as a nation gave generously to the church.

So far, the Vatican has failed to respond to this state of affairs.

To bend the ear of the Vatican Minister of Lined Pockets and Thievery Wolf Howlin will shortly inaugurate a campaign of prayer. He also hoped that the blessed Merkel might intervene on our behalf. Sure, what is the harm in a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers – it will cost you nothing?

A committee with an open-ended budget has been set up to examine tenders for rosary beads.

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