The restaurants are called ‘Giraffe’ because the food is mainly ‘giraffe’
The company announced that it was now close to perfecting the experience of shopping for mystery animal parts in a windowless hangar staffed by polyester-clad accidents.
Tescologist Wayne Hayes said: “Now you can sit in a Giraffe watching somebody’s drooling ratbag smear ketchup into your coat while your ice cream melts in the boot of your car.
“Notify Dante, because we just laid the concrete for hell’s basement.”
He added: “Foreigners stroll around local markets before enjoying a tasty meal in a family-run restaurant and now we can have the same experience on a grey industrial estate where you can exchange your vouchers for some pretend happiness.”
Until yesterday Sainsburys was the champion of retail misery by making people think of Jamie Oliver dribbling over their food every time they shopped as well as describing a mass-produced cottage pie like it was a new indie band.
But they were challenged strongly when Morrison’s paid Ant and Dec to prance around Britain pretending to talk to ruddy-faced suppliers while skilfully avoiding abattoirs and Eastern Europeans bent double over a beetroot field.
Hayes said: “You did it Tesco, you magnificent son of a bitch.”
Britain’s supermarket giants have been accused of caving in to the genetic modification lobby by dropping their decade-long stance against selling chickens fed on genetically modified crops.
The move has been seen as a key victory for GM food giants such as Monsanto which, environmental groups claim, will benefit from the switch. It is also being seen as a precursor to the introduction of GM meat and poultry by “softening up” consumer resistance to the controversial technology.
It has emerged that Marks & Spencer, the Co-operative and Sainsbury’s are following Tesco, Asda and Morrisons and reversing policies that prohibit their suppliers from feeding GM soya to chickens used in the production of their own-brand eggs and poultry. The move came following fierce lobbying from groups such as the National Farmers Union and the British Poultry Council.
The supermarket giants said suppliers had told them that non-GM feed for poultry is now too difficult and too expensive to obtain. There are also concerns that there is a risk non-GM and GM animal feed could become mixed up, making it more difficult to police the UK food chain.
But non-GM feed producers in Brazil, a major source of animal feed to the UK, expressed surprise at the claims, saying they were producing record amounts of animal feed. They said there was no difficulty separating the two types of feed and claimed the move was more about the UK wanting to do more business with US GM companies.
Environmental groups warned that there would be consumer protests if non-GM options were removed. “The supermarkets should stand up for their customers and secure long-term contracts for all their non-GM food and feed supplies,” said Dr Helen Wallace of the campaign group GeneWatch UK, which is critical of the GM lobby. “If access to non-GM feed for chickens is allowed to be blocked today, how long before we have no choices left?
“People have a right to choose what food they want to eat and we must guard against corporate interests, cartels and monopolies taking over global food and feed supplies.”
The UK’s new position is at odds with its European neighbours. Supermarket chains in Germany, France and Austria are increasing their use of non-GM soya in livestock production in response to consumer demand. French supermarket giant Carrefour is launching a label to signal to its customers that its animals have not been fed GM food. Abrange, which represents Brazil’s non-GM soya producers, said that the desire for clearer labelling was shared by the British public. It pointed to a recent survey that suggested 67% of people prefer milk, eggs, poultry and meat produced with non-GM feed.
It said claims that non-GM soya was hard to source following a temporary slowdown in exports were inaccurate. “This year Brazil has enjoyed a record soybean harvest of over 82m tonnes, large enough to more than provide Europe’s entire soya meal demand,” Abrange said.
The organisation said it believed the UK was repositioning itself on GM technology. “This change could well have as much to do with interest in opening the UK to imports of GM soya from the US than to the temporary slowdown in Brazil.”
In a statement Tim J Smith, Tesco group technical director, explained that the supermarket chain was making the decision to buy livestock fed on GM soya because the risk of finding GM material in non-GM feed was increasing and because 80% of the world’s soya is now modified.
Environmental groups believe the government is increasingly enthusiastic about GM. Environment secretary Owen Paterson has branded sceptics of the technology as “humbugs”. Supporters say GM food will help feed a burgeoning population, but sceptics say the claims made for the technology are overblown.
A Monsanto spokesman said they were not aware of a rise in demand for its GM soya product since the supermarkets changed their policy. He said the supermarkets’ decision was taken after lobbying from farmers’ groups, concerned about the rising costs of animal feed, not as a result of pressure from the GM lobby.
Supermarkets today wield unprecedented power on a global scale. From Bangladesh to South Africa, supermarkets dictate the terms at which overseas producers are forced to sell their goods. With threats to find new suppliers, they force prices down around the world
But the workers who produce those goods – from fruit and vegetables to flowers, wine, cheap clothes and tea – feel their devastating impact every day. Working in factories or on plantations, they face long hours, terrible working conditions and little or no trade union rights. Despite working 80 hours a week, many workers are not able to earn a living wage.
The big four supermarkets – ASDA, Morrisons, Tesco and Sainsbury’s – control 75% of the grocery market in the UK and aim to keep their prices low and their profits high. They use their enormous size and influence to put their suppliers under immense pressure to produce goods as cheaply as possible. As well as squeezing their suppliers on price, they dictate terms and agreements, like forcing them to take on costs for discounts and promotions. These pressures then get passed on to the people who grow, pick and pack our food in low wages, long hours and poor working conditions.
To tackle supermarket power War on Want has campaigned for many years for the government to introduce a supermarket watchdog to stop supermarkets bullying their suppliers. After years of successful campaigning the government has now agreed to put forward proposals, and we are now pushing hard to make sure that it has the powers it needs to be effective.
As well as bullying their suppliers, supermarkets are continuing their push to dominate the UK market through opening more and more high street stores. War on Want is proud to be part of the Tescopoly alliance that campaigns against the negative impacts of supermarket power on workers’ rights, local businesses, communities and the environment and supports local campaigns against new supermarket developments.
The discount retailer alleged that Tesco had failed to compare like with like, had not stated the correct sale price of relevant Aldi products and had failed to compare the relevant quantities.
Aldi wittingly had used the example of a bag of mint humbugs to support their case. It rather looks like The Tesco humbug has been exposed yet once again.
It relation to Tesco just remember every little bit helps to hurt somebody else