Gardaí late last night received a tip off from a night watchman well on the way to alcoholism, which led to a sizeable seizure of Dope and stray cats from the locker rooms of Dáil Éireann.
Speaking on behalf of the Government, Phil Hogan Minister for the Environment, Community, and Local Government pledged that the Government would investigate this matter and take appropriate action. The Minister stated he knew nothing about how the cats came to be on the premises but went on to claim labour were only a crowd of pussies.
Ann Phelan of the labour party stated the finding of stray cats in the Dáil had nothing to with Kilkenny’s recent all Ireland hurling success. She believed in all probability; the culprits were jealous Galway TDs.
In a further development Luke “Ming” Flanagan claimed he had nothing to do with the stash of dope found but acknowledged that the Ceann Comhairle was a dope if ever there was a dope head. Ming further claimed that the Dáil had a long and proud history of having to deal with mind boggling dopes and that the finding of dope in the Dáil was nothing new.
Gardaí later today expect to charge a hundred and sixty six people for these offences.