The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.
The decision overturns God’s ruling that Satan should be cast down from Heaven and forced to spend the rest of eternity in Hell as punishment for his sins, fiery anti-Western rhetoric, and general naughtiness.
God has been pursuing extradition for two years, but now says He has been ‘thwarted by undemocratic Brussels red tape’ yet again.
The Heavenly court ruling confirms the legal position that Satan might come to harm if he were to be sent to Hell, there have been reports of many burnings, whippings, pokings in the bottom with hot forks by devils, and ironic punishments, all of which could be classified as torture.
God has vowed not to give up, however, and is understood to be considering a range of options including suspension of the Ten Commandments to allow Satan’s immediate deportation, and negotiating a treaty confirming that Hell is actually a lovely part of the cosmos completely opposed to the use of torture. ‘Being eternal, I can wait for a thousand million years on this one,’ God said. ‘By which time either the European Court will side with me, or everyone will have forgotten all about Lucifer anyway and will agree that I was probably just moving in mysterious ways (e.g. right about this) all along’.
There’s a hole in the system, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
There’s a hole in the system, dear Draghi: a hole.
Then fill it dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
Then fill it dear Olli, dear Olli: fix it.
With what shall I fill it, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
With what shall I fill it, dear Draghi: with what?
With taxes dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
With taxes dear Olli, dear Olli: try tax!
But the tax take is falling, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
But the tax take is falling, dear Draghi: it falls!
Increase them dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
Increase them dear Olli, dear Olli: whack’em on!
But tax take falls more now, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
But the tax falls more now, dear Draghi: it fell!
Squeeze the sovereigns, dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
Squeeze the sovereigns dear Olli, dear Olli: squeeze them!
But the sovereigns are bursting, they’re bursting, they’re bursting,
But the sovereigns are bursting, they’re bursting: some burst!
Try the savers, dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
Try the savers dear Olli, dear Olli: try them!
The hole just got bigger, got bigger, got bigger,
The hole just got bigger, got bigger: it grew!
Then the bondies, dear Olli, dear Olli, dear Olli,
If you must it’s the bondies, it’s the bondies: burn them!
Now the system is creaking, is creaking, is creaking,
Now the whole system is dear, dear Draghi: it creaks!
Inflate it dear Draghi, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
Inflate the system it dear Draghi, dear Draghi: inflate!
But I don’t have a mandate dear Christine, dear Christine,
But I don’t have a mandate dear Christine: don’t ask!
Well then print it, dear Draghi, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
Well then print it dear Draghi, dear Draghi: please print.
But we don’t have a printer, dear Christine, dear Christine,
We don’t have a printer, dear Christine: there’s no ink!
Well who make money, dear Draghi, dear Draghi?
Well who can make money, dear Draghi: who can?!
Well the banks are supposed to, dear Christine, dear Christine,
Well the banks are that system, the banks: that’s who!
[All together now]
But there’s a hole in the system, dear Draghi, dear Draghi,
There’s a hole in the system, dear Draghi – a hole!
The quite wonderful Gavin Kostick of Fishamble Theatre has a comment on Irish Economy which is too good to linger there… It’s super.
And Draghi came down from the mountain with two tablets of stone.
(1) Thou shall love the god of the market. Thou shall have no other god before it.
(2) Thou shall have no other engraved image except the Euro. There shall be no other image on thy coin, for I run a jealous central bank
(3) Thou shall not take the name of the Euro in vain or speak slightingly thereof, for those who seek to destroy confidence will not be held guiltless.
(4) Thou shall work all of the days, excepting none, for this is the will of the free market. And you shall remember that you are a debt slave as you once were in Egypt.
(5) Honour Germany and France and the contract they made in their betrothal at the altar of the European Coal and Steel Community: for these are your mother and father to whom you must be obedient.
(6) Thou shalt not kill the bondholders.
(7) Thou shalt not commit adultery with other nations, neither the Russians nor the Chinese, nor any other nation against which we set our face.
(8) Thou shalt not steal deposits with high interest, low tax or any other wiles against which we set our face.
(9) Thou shalt not falsely accuse the ECB of running a tyranny, or threatening to implode your banks, being subservient to German interest, nor any other false witness against them.
(10) Thou shalt not covet a living possessed by your neighbours, but rejoice in the purification of your impoverishment.
In the biblical stories, God is often referred to as YHWH, sometime spoken Yahweh, by the ancient Hebrews. Much later, Yahweh would be given the name Jehovah which is a name that is still in use today. Among other things, Yahweh was said to have created Adam and Eve and later would enter into a covenant with Abraham which would eventually lead to the creation of the nation of Israel. Such was the basis for Judaism and their worship of one god, and the beginning of monotheism as a form of worship.
Yes, others might argue that monotheism actually began with the Egyptians and their Pharaoh Akhenaten or even with Zoroastrianism, but Judaism is where monotheism took root and eventually spread to other religions. Christianity, a later monotheistic religion, would adopt the Jewish Bible (essentially the Old Testament) as part of their own Bible. In so doing, they also took on the mantle of Yahweh/Jehovah, the supposedly one and only god. Little did they know, however, exactly what that entailed and even today most Christians don’t realize who Jehovah was, or wasn’t.
Let’s rewind, back to the beginning. If we assume for the purpose of this discussion that the chronology in the Bible is accurate, then the following can be gleaned about the god(s) that the Hebrews/Israelites worshipped. According to the Jewish Calendar, Adam and Eve were created circa 3700 BC. So let’s count it down. Based on the biblical genealogies, Abraham lived around 2000 BC, or 1,700 years after Adam and Eve. During that period, the Hebrews worshipped many gods (the Old Testament is replete with references to multiple gods, especially in the books of Exodus and Deuteronomy). This is why Yahweh admonished the Hebrews, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3).
It’s also why a covenant might have been required between Yahweh and the Hebrews, since they actually had a choice of who to follow. Obviously, if Yahweh was the prime creator (the first cause) or the one and only god, there would be no choice and no covenant would have been required. There would have been no reason for Yahweh to have said, “And I will take you to me for a people and I will be to you a God” (Exodus 6:7). It would not have been necessary for the prime creator to enter into such a covenant to be their god (because it would have been true ipso facto), and neither would he have referred to himself as “a God” (one of many); rather, he would have referred to himself simply as “God”.
Yet for the 1,700 years up to the time of Abraham, the Hebrews worshipped many gods instead of Yahweh; according to the Bible, even Abraham’s father did (Joshua 24:2). But if they truly believed that Yahweh was the creator and helped Noah save mankind, how could they possibly have worshiped other gods?
Now, Moses was said to have lived around 1500 BC. So roughly 500 years after Abraham, the Israelites still weren’t worshipping Yahweh as the one true god. This was one of the reasons supposedly for the Ten Commandments. Yet despite Moses and notwithstanding the Ten Commandments, it would still be another 1,000 years or so before the Torah would be written and accepted as the religious belief system of the Jewish people (for example, see 2 Kings 22:8-13). In the end, it took 3,000 years before the Israelites would officially pay homage to Yahweh.
How is it then that Yahweh was not worshipped by the Israelites over that incredible period of time even though the Jewish people feared him and recognized his status and his power? How come, indeed. The Dead Sea Scrolls, the original Septuagint and another recently discovered ancient manuscript shed new light on an important biblical passage, Deuteronomy 32:8-9. The acceptable translation of this passage should be either “sons of God” or “the number of the gods”. These sons of god were also made reference to in other biblical passages, for example Genesis 6:2, Job 1:6, and Job 38:7. These passages relate to the fact that the early Canaanite religions believed in a pantheon of gods called the Elohim, or children of El (the sons of God). The Elohim is the Hebrew term which is generally used for, and translated into, the word “God” in the Bible. As for Yahweh, he would have been simply one of the Elohim, one of the creative spirits who fashioned the universe (Note: none of which were actually God, the prime creator). Each member (Elohim) of the divine assembly were given a nation to rule over (see the Table of Nations in Genesis 10-11); and Yahweh, he was given Israel.
It was therefore difficult for the writers of the Torah to have taken the old stories, which related to a worship of many deities, and woven them together into a coherent story about the one and only god. For example, in Psalm 82:1, “God presides in the great assembly; he gives judgment among the gods”. It’s tough to go from that to the concept of only one god. So what exactly then is one to make of the Old Testament? In truth, it’s simply a history of Jewish religious thought and how it evolved over thousands of years, from the creation to the actual writing of the Torah; how it changed from the worship of many deities to the worship of the one and only Yahweh.
So why is any of this important? Well, down through the ages man has made a habit of using the name “God” to describe the deity of their own personal belief system. All one can say, at best, is that such a deity is in reality only “a god”, or the God Below God as I like to refer to him. I have endeavored to write about the biblical god story, not because I necessarily believe it, but because I feel that the story in the Bible, as written, is deserving of further explanation. So tell me, in your opinion, whose god is it anyway?
Posted by chicagoja
Filed in Religion ·Tags: Christianity, Dead Sea Scrolls, faith, God, jehovah, Jesus, Judaism, moses, Religion, ten commandments, the Bible, torah, yahweh
via The Ethical Warrior.
via The Ethical Warrior.