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27 Ways To Tell You’re Too Stoned
You really shouldn’t have smoked that whole joint by yourself.
1. Before it really kicks in, you make big plans to be productive…
2. Like you actually can’t get off the couch.
3. Sleeping. Eating. Watching cartoons. This is your life now.
4. Seriously, you can’t stop eating.
5. Plus you make terrible dietary choices.
7. Except getting another bag of chips.
8. And the quality of the weed you’re smoking.
9. Nothing anyone says makes any sense.
10. Because it takes about 20 minutes to process a simple thought.
12. They can tell you’re stoned, and they’re JUDGING YOU.
13. You think you’re being really profound, but you’re not.
14. And everything becomes HILARIOUS.
15. Like, so ridic funny. Like, you may never stop laughing.
16. You’re easily entertained by the STUPIDEST things.
17. And believe me, NO ONE ELSE is amused.
18. Then you start to get really, really paranoid.
19. Like you’re no longer sure you remember how to breathe.
20. You don’t remember anything else either.
21. You start to feel like you’re incapable of doing anything that ISN’T getting high.
22. And, I mean, that’s kind of true.
23. But you somehow convince yourself that marijuana is a performance enhancer.
24. You forget how to behave sober.
25. All the while you hope for some once-in-a-lifetime stoned experience.
26. And instead you end up wasting hours on YouTube and staring off into space.
James Reilly pledges to tackle smoking problem in Europe
What a laugh this report is given that the Minister would not even be capable of organizing a visit to a hospital
MINISTER FOR HEALTH James Reilly has given a personal pledge to “tackle the smoking problem” and called for combined measures to regulate tobacco products.
Speaking in Brussels in a meeting of the EU Environment, Public Health and Food Safety Committee, Reilly also called for comprehensive assistance to smokers who want to quit and media information campaigns.
The committee was discussing the proposal to revise the 2001 Tobacco Products Directive which focuses on smokeless tobacco products, packaging and labelling, ingredients or additives, cross-border distance sales and traceability and security issues. It also aims to harmonise the implementation of international obligations under the WHO Framework Convention on Tobacco Control (FCTC).
Speaking about the proposal before the committee Commissioner Tonio Borg said tobacco “should look like tobacco and taste like tobacco as well, not like vanilla or other sweets”.
“These products are produced in this way to be attractive to the young. Let’s not forget that most people start smoking below the age of 25 and the majority when they are still minors,” he said. Several other MEPs echoed his call for flavoured tobacco products to be abolished.
However Danish MEP, Anna Rosbach, said that the committee should not forget that governments need the revenues generated by tobacco. “The fiscal impact is something we have to bear in mind”, she said. “Any smoker who stops is a good investment.”
Minister Reilly said that economically, it is a “no brainer”, because of the heavy costs that smoking imposes on health systems and on the economy, through absenteeism from work.
Italian MEP Oreste Rossi said he was worried that too many limits place upon people would result in an increase in the trade of illegal cigarettes. However Borg reassured the committee that security and tracking provisions were also proposed in the directive.
A report will be drafted by European Parliament rapporteur Linda McAvan and put to an Environment Committee vote on 10-11 July.
via James Reilly pledges to tackle smoking problem in Europe · TheJournal.ie.
via James Reilly pledges to tackle smoking problem in Europe · TheJournal.ie.
Cigarette that kills non-smokers launched
A NEW type of cigarette transfers its negative health effects to the nearest non-smoker.
Still wonderfully relaxing, plus you don’t die horribly
Quantum Fags were developed by scientists who believe passionately that cigarettes were killing the wrong people, as non-smokers are generally more annoying.
They developed nicotine particles that can exist simultaneously in two places at once.
The pleasure-giving chemicals remaining within the smokers’ lungs while the deadly stuff teleports into the nearest non-smoker, making them cough terribly.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Someone who hasn’t smoked their whole life, and more to the point wouldn’t hesitate to tell you about it, will find themselves wheezing like a dinner lady.
“Thus society can remove its priggish killjoys by furiously smoking them to death whilst having a bloody good time in the process.”
Smoker Roy Hobbs said: “I have always felt it was unfair that smoking kills you. Much better that a total stranger should die.
“Will their fingers turn yellow? That would be really clever.”
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