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Shock as UKIP member’s Facebook page fails to mention any Jewish conspiracies
There has been widespread shock throughout Britain after a member of UKIP used his Facebook account to share pictures with his friends and indulge in general chit-chat.
Amongst the posts on Chris Nosworthy’s Facebook page were details of an afternoon stroll through the park, a happy birthday message to a man called Nigel and a YouTube video of a dog walking on its back legs.
Closer inspection also revealed that he hadn’t ‘Liked’ any far-right hate groups or made any racist, anti-semitic, homophobic or islamophobic comments.
Mr Nosworthy defended the contents of his Facebook page and strongly refuted claims the he is ‘non-racist’.
“My friends, family and the people who know me will tell you I’m a total racist,” he insisted.
“I used to play in a local 5-a-side football team, but I quit after a fella called Mohammed turned up for training.
“I’m also pretty sure that dinosaurs were wiped out by Jews,” he added.
UKIP Facebook page
A UKIP spokesperson revealed that a full investigation would be carried out and action would be taken “if necessary”.
“It might just be that Chris has been a bit naïve and made an error of judgement.
“We also shouldn’t rule out the possibility that his account was hacked by leftist flag-burning gays from the BBC.
“He’s already been for a precautionary AIDS test.”
via Shock as UKIP member’s Facebook page fails to mention any Jewish conspiracies.
UKIP to outsource policy-making to China
Following the success of the UK Independence Party in many local elections where they gained huge numbers of seats, often without candidates setting out what they intend to do about the wide spectrum of issues confronting the electorate, or even turning up, the party insists it has listened to the public and intends to find some really good policies, and pretty damned soon.
U-KIP insists that in the finest traditions of British commerce ever since the glorious 1950′s, that of course will mean ignoring the best that the British policy industry can offer and catching the first plane to China to source them at a fraction of the cost.
‘Keeping policy making in the UK has been verging on impossible for some time now – we had become lazy and simply couldn’t come up with anything new,’ said newly appointed U-KIP party spokesman Xin Jian. ‘But our friends in Guangdong have shown superb policy work ethic and now hold greater academic credibility than our onshore source of crude populism. Working conditions there, fairly good by Chinese standards, rest assure. Success!’ added Nigel Farage.
British voters have mixed feelings on the subject. Floating voter Reginald Evergreen, 54, from Lincolnshire said that it made perfect sense as everything else in his house was made in China, so why shouldn’t his electoral future be bought from a country which is ‘streets ahead’ when it comes to immigration? His wife Raquel, 23, said that she votes UKIP and so is not in a position to make an informed judgement on the matter at this particular point in time.
So far, the Chinese policy-making unit has come up with a number of suggestions that have found favour with UKIP chiefs, including ingrained suspicion of anything foreign, strict and arbitary residence rules, knocking down town centres and replacing them with concrete, capital punishment for petty theft and having the country ruled entirely by bitter old men who think the world has gone to pot ever since Gracie Fields retired.
‘We have found it harder to sell them the idea of a one-child policy,’ admitted Xin Jian. ‘Though in the case of the average U-KIP member, that would seem to be an academic point.
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