Countless people stepped up to testify before the Texas Senate committee on the restrictive abortion law, which would essentially ban abortions in most of the state. One stood out as Katie Heim from Austin bravely gave her testimony before the committee in the form of a poem titled, “If My Vagina Was a Gun.”
The poem, by Katie Heim, was a hit with opponents of any abortion restrictions and has been reblogged extensively:
You would ride on buses and fight all the fights.
If my vagina was a gun, you would treat it with care,
You wouldn’t spill all its secrets because, well, why go there.
If my vagina was a gun, you’d say what it holds is private
From cold dead hands we could pry, you surely would riot.
If my vagina was a gun, its rights would all be protected,
no matter the body count or the children affected.
If my vagina was a gun, I could bypass security,
concealed carry laws would ensure I’d have impunity.
If my vagina was a gun, I wouldn’t have to beg you,
I could hunt this great land and do all the things men do.
But my vagina is not a gun, it is a mightier thing,
With a voice that rings true making lawmakers’ ears ring.
Vaginas are not delicate, they are muscular and magic,
So stop messing with mine, with legislation that’s tragic.
My vagina’s here to demand from the source,
Listen to the voices of thousands or feel their full force.
Lana in happier times – she had a roomy vagina and a small head!
A Latvian Circus performer called Lana is being treated for shock and distress in a Coventry hospital this evening after waking up in complete darkness gasping for breath.
So flexible is Lana that she managed to slide her whole head inside her vagina during an afternoon nap.
When she awoke she had no idea where she was and it took her a good ten minutes to work out where her torso had gone.
“She does have a particularly large vagina!” Said one of costume designers from the circus who went onto explain that her leotards had to be lined with Velcro to stop her flaps popping out during performances.
“And she’s got an unusually small head!” Said one of the clowns.
Given these facts this terrifying incident was really just an accident waiting to happen.
“She vake up viz her heed up her fooking growler!” Said Carl Munch, chief surgeon at the hospital. “Holy schizer mein liebe schnitzels!” He went on to say before putting on a dress and dancing on one of the tables in a nearby wine bar.
Well, at least she’s in safe hands.